Do you have a fiery tongue?

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Hello Guys! I apologize for the duplicate posts lately…I am notified after publishing that I have forgotten to ‘tag’ that post, and then when I ‘tag’ apparently is resends them to your emails :(… So if your email has been over run lately, it is due to my oversight…I will work on that ūüėÄ

The previous post touched on verses from James 1-2 that we can apply to our marriages.¬†This post zooms in on James 3, and takes a good look at how we can control our mouths…our tongues…our words. “Studies show that¬†women¬†use¬†8,000 to 9,000¬†words¬†a day. Men¬†use¬†2,000 to 4,000¬†words¬†a day¬†on average,” explains communication expert Allan Pease. ¬†So, as we look back over the words we say daily, let’s ask ourselves a few questions:

In our relationship with the Lord:


How many are used to bless the Lord?

How many are used to tell others of Gods goodness and faithfulness to us?  

How many of our words are used to communicate the Love of Christ…His grace..His forgiveness? ¬†


Now in relation to our marriages:


How many of our words are used to inflict pain?

How many of our words are used to demean him and his contributions to our family?

How many of our words are used to publicly embarrass him with the telling of stories that present him in a negative or humourous light?

How many of our words are used to remind them of their failures?

How many of our words are used to let them know that they will never be as good or successful as _______?

How many of our words have communicated love and honor to, or about our husbands?

How many of them can be considered edifying to him?

How many of our 8-9,000 words a day are used to encourage him?

How many of our daily allotment of words are willingly and graciously sacrificed so that we can listen to him?


A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.Proverbs 14:1-3

Although I usually have images and graphics in the posts on here, I want to use just one to convey the point I am trying to make here.  The remainder of the post will be filled in with Gods word.  I am seeing God break the hearts of his daughters and fill our hearts with a burning desire to honor and obey Him above everything else. And I am witnessing a genuine desire to please the Lord overflow into a love and respect for the husbands who were previously detested and treated with hatred by their wives. Genuine repentance is overwhelming the hearts of many wives, but make no mistake, repentance is always just the beginning of the journey.

“Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and

could also control ourselves in every other way.” James 3:1-2

I strongly believe that the end of this passage is applicable ALL the way around…. “If we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” ¬†How many of us don’t put much thought into the things we say before ¬†we say them? Not only do we not think about the words, but we neglect to think about the lasting impact of our words on the lives of others…on the hearts of our husbands… When it comes to our communication practices, our tongues tend to resemble a firemans hose on full blast without the fireman at the helm!!! How much damage could that hose inflict on people and things nearby?

“We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth.¬†And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong.¬†In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.¬†But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. ¬†And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.”¬†

While I compare the tongue to a firemans hose, Gods word likens it to a GREAT forest fire! How many forest fires have we set in our homes with our tongues?? And have we realized that those fires don’t just rage in our husbands lives but they continue in the minds, hearts, and lives of our children…and their children…until humility and wisdom are received and obeyed and those fires are put out!

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish,¬†but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.¬†Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God.¬†And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!¬†Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water?¬†Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can‚Äôt draw fresh water from a salty spring.¬†If you are wise and understand God‚Äôs ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.¬†But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don‚Äôt cover up the truth with boasting and lying.¬†For jealousy and selfishness are not God‚Äôs kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.¬†For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.¬†But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace-loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.¬†And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:7-18

This passage is FULL of good information on the destructive capabilities of our tongues. No one can tame the tongue…it’s restless…full of deadly poison..blessing AND cursings come from it… a heart filled with bitter jealousy and selfish ambition are covered up with boasting and lying, which are done by our tongues… WOW!!! That little part of our bodies can cause a whole lot of damage. ¬†The disrespect that we display towards our husbands is not just heard by them, but if we have children they will not only hear it, but our sons will likely grow to either¬†marry a woman ‘just like mommy’, or despise women…and our daughters, without the intervention of the Holy Spirit, will grow and duplicate what they have seen and heard from us. ¬†You want to talk about starting a fire that blazes out of control????? ¬†What we look at as simply good or bad communication, or ways to communicate, the Bible considers in terms of the communication between those who are wise vs. those who are foolish.


Proverbs 29:11  Fools vent their anger,but the wise quietly hold it back.   

Proverbs 12:23  The wise don’t make a show of their knowledge, but fools broadcast their foolishness.

Proverbs 14:33  Wisdom is enshrined in an understanding heart; wisdom is not found among fools.

Proverbs 17:28  Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.  

Where do you currently see yourself based on these scriptures where your marriage is concerned? Are you fitting into the wise category or the foolish one? Let’s take these verses to heart and choose to speak words that encourage, edify, express honor and respect…or not to say anything at all….


(disclaimer…I have worked on this for a couple of days and I am posting without proofreading ūüėÄ …apologies in advance for any grammatical errors)


2 thoughts on “Do you have a fiery tongue?

    Tola said:
    October 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    8-9000 words… yikes! Hehe. The first thing that came to my mind when reading this post was “in the multitude of words, sin is not lacking…” Proverbs 10:19. I am *desperately* trying to learn the discipline of being slow to speak =)


      joyfullysubmitted responded:
      October 14, 2012 at 7:07 pm

      Hello Tola! It’s great to hear from you :DThat is a wonderful verse you shared…that adds to the strength that a Biblical prspective adds to the life of a believer…thanks for sharing!


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