Are ALL children a gift??

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In today’s modern culture the answer to this question depends on how you choose to look at it. On a recent news article featuring The Duggar Family (no introduction needed I’m sure) I browsed through some of the comments posted by others who had read the article as well. The comment below got my attention and although I commented briefly in response, I wanted to take  some time to look at this question a little more deeply.

Here’s the comment;

OMG WOW! God not going 2 persecute u for tying your tubes! Man I bet they can’t ever get privacy but y when they’ll just pop out another baby, this isn’t just a family its a football team and even though they get paid 4rm TLC it’s still a load of stress n this list proves it!

Here is my extended response;

1. OH WOW!!

Have you noticed the way that women with more than 4 children are treated in our culture today?  My father was one of 18 children, and my mother is the oldest of ix .  Just one generation later, families with more than four children are laughed at, mocked, looked down on as if they are the victims of very unfortunate circumstances, and publicly offered birth control advice to ‘help keep that from happening again’. It’s almost as if others are personally offended by the husband and wife who have chosen to ‘be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth’.  Does anyone smell the presence of the horrible impact of feminism here?  Where a woman used to grieve miserably and be ashamed of and made fun of if he could not have children (read the accounts of Sarah and Hannah in Scripture), now they grieve miserable and are ashamed if they have more than the culture says is socially acceptable.

2. God not going 2 persecute u for tying your tubes!

Well, he may not persecute you, but the consequences of your decision will judge you.  Speaking as one who did ‘tie my tubes’ at the age of 28 years old, and who came to regret that permanent, unalterable decision not long after it was made, I have felt the consequences of my taking control, over my body for the past 11 years.  You see, not only were Adam and Eve, and therefore all of humanity that followed, instructed to ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28), but we are told in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” Now I know that this particular passage is speaking about avoiding sexual sin, but the premise of v.19-20 hold true no matter what context we use it in.  But do we believe it? This was a hard one for me to come to terms with.   Do we believe that our bodies belong to God and not to us?  Do we believe that He is truly sovereign and able to stop us from having children when he has brough ALL of the lives through our bodies that he intended to?  I have prayed with women and read stories about women over the years who are crying out for God to open their womb. We believe He is capable of opening it, but do we believe He is also able to close it when He wills?  Or is this a situation like so many others in our lives; we say that we are submitted to God in ALL things, but we really only mean the things that we agree with.  Can I say the difficult things here? My heart aches for the millions of women currently heartbroken over their infertility, and the millions whose heart ache to hold the babies who were one alive within them but never saw their face.  There are women who would give their lives to have just one baby…to feel life come alive inside of them, and then to nurture and protect and bring that life into the world.  And then there are others, like me, who seemed to get pregnant if my Sweetie and I were in the same room together for too long! And I, like so many other women who did not have fertility issues, took it for granted! And I leaned to my own understanding, and the understanding of my unbelieving physician…and I decided when I was done having children…and I’ve regretted that decision ever since. I did not seek the Lord! I did not consult the counsel of His word! I followed the mandates of this fallen world that we live in and the cultural trends of the age. ‘God will not persecute you for tying your tubes’, but trust me ladies, the day will come, when the longings of an empty womb will convict you. We call it a ‘baby fix’! That time that occurs every so often when we long to hold and smell and cuddle with a brand new baby…when we long to just hold one in our arms…Do we ever stop to think that if we had made Christ Lord of ALL, instead of Lod of SOME, that longing wouldn’t be there.  Michelle Duggar, and so many others are models of women who chose to let God be God over ALL aspects of their lives…including, not other than, how many children He desired for her to have…

3. Man I bet they can’t ever get privacy but y when they’ll just pop out another baby

Wow! Who knew that privacy in marriage was the most important thing??? Especially when you compare it with the non importance of bringing another life into this world.  As irritated as I was by this comment, it helped bring home to me that most  of our motives for NOT having more children are selfish ones, and show a lack of faith/trust in the Lord to provide for us and to meet our needs.  I can still remember the words of many ‘older’ Christian women whenever we announced that we were expecting again; “Lord Jesus…how are you going to take care of another one? You guys are so young, and you don’t have any money. children are expensive…shoe don’t grow on trees!” And then, when I made the decision to ‘get my tubes tied’; “God grants wisdom! He won’t put more on you than what you can bear! Well, just be thankful for the ones you have!”…and my all time favorite;”Now, it’s your body! God gave you the power to choose what you do with it. If you don’t want anymore kids, God won’t be mad at you…He’s the one wo gave you a choice in the first place.”  Now I sit here typing 11 years later and I DISAGREE!!! God gave me a choice like He gave Adam and Eve a choice, but He has ALWAYS wanted us to choose Him!!! To trust Him!!!! To obey Him!!! and to deny ourselves…

~~~~~

My 17-year-old daughter, Kayla, Posted the following comment on Facebook last week;

Thank you Mommy! You could have chosen to exercise “your right as a woman” & “choose” to not have me, but you didn’t. And I thank you so much for that!♥ Selena Horton White #smiling

~~~~~

This was my response to her;

What would my life be if I had chosen to end the live of my loves??? Nothing else was EVER an option!!! I’ll always choose to preserve you over me… I was designed to be a mother…that’s what we do ❤<3

~~~~~

4. …this isn’t just a family its a football team and even though they get paid 4rm TLC it’s still a load of stress n this list proves it!

This negative person felt that the Duggars were not a family, but a football team, and as such were a load of stress!!! Have you ever watched the show? Do Michelle and Jim Bob look like they are under an enormous amount of stress?  Do their children?  Or do they look like a family at peace with God and themselves and their choices??? Could our anguish be stemming from our exercising our ‘right’ to do whatever we want with our bodies, and somewhere deep down inside, knowing we made the wrong choice? Could it be because we chose, like Eve, to do exactly the opposite of what Go said for us to do?  I think it could be.

When considering whether or not to use birth control/tie your tubes ask yourselves, “Do I believe God’s Word? Have I made Christ Lord over my ENTIRE life? Do I trust God to provide for my family if I have 2 or 20 children? Choose to fight through the mindsets we have adopted from the world, and tak on the mindset God intends for his children to have; one of obedience. The command to be fruitful still stands. Are ALL children a blessing?

Here’s my original brief answer;

It depends on how you choose to look at it.  Psalm 127:3-5 says “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they shall not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gates.” The Duggars have chosen to receive ALL of the rewards the Lord has for them. God Bless them for it 😀 and God bless you!

 

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20 thoughts on “Are ALL children a gift??

    Rachel Self said:
    October 30, 2012 at 10:00 am

    I’ve enjoyed your blog since I found it a few days ago, and I love this post. I do have one question for you, and I’m truly just seeking an answer on this. It’s about the birth control issue. You said: “When considering whether or not to use birth control/tie your tubes ask yourselves, “Do I believe God’s Word? Have I made Christ Lord over my ENTIRE life? Do I trust God to provide for my family if I have 2 or 20 children?”

    A little about me: my husband and I got married about 5 months ago, and I have been on birth control off and on for about 5 years–for other issues. He’s in Seminary right now, and set to graduate next December (Woohoo!) For practical reasons, we both believe it is wise not to try for children until that time. Actually, we’d LOVE to be pregnant when he graduates. As for now though, I have a full-time job at the Seminary (so his tuition is free!), and he works part-time while going to school full-time. This is only temporary though, and we plan to start our family IMMEDIATELY after Seminary. We both want kids so badly, and it’s actually HARD for us to say that we should wait a year. But we still think that’s the best decision. However…we also fully accept that if we get pregnant now, that would be great. (We kind of both secretly hope that SOMEHOW I end up pregnant while on the pill…). All that being said–I’m on the pill, and plan to go off of it next summer. But if I get pregnant before then, we’re both okay with changing plans if we need to.

    All that being said, do you think we should come off of birth control now and just see how things play out? Or do you think it’s more about the heart of the issue? My husband & I tend to believe the motive for using birth control is more important than the actual decision reached. We believe that waiting is honoring to God as well, because we’re seeking a ministry position and want to do BOTH ministry and start a family. What do you think?

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    joyfullysubmitted responded:
    October 30, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Good Morning Rachel! Let me first say that I am so blessed and honored that you enjoy this particular blog. There are TONS of them out there, so whenever someone finds their way to this one I am certain it is the Lords doing. I will try to address your question/statement in its entirety so that I don’t miss anything 😀

    I have been on birth control off and on for about 5 years–for other issues…..This statement always breaks my heart to hear. Being a woman, I am personally aware of the physical reasons we take bc other than to actually control birth. I have had several issues over the years in which I was advised to take bc as a resolution or a way to help lessen the issue. After much research, I had compiled enough testimonies to convince me that the side effects are devastating and the longer it’s used the more difficulty the women I have talked to have conceiving when they decide it’s the right time. I am not a fan of BC in any form…that is my personal conviction, but it evolves from the actual name, birth CONTROL. This world system is all about control…the feminist movement is all about control, and as believers we have bought the lie of the enemy that we have a right to control our lives in every area we choose. Job 23:14 says that God “will do to me whatever he has planned. He controls my destiny.” We are instructed to live Spirit-controlled lives. We have moved so far beyond Genesis 3:16 when Eve was told that her desire would be to control her husband. We want to be in control of ALL life ☹ and we don’t recognize it…

    When we got married Ukali was 23 and I was 21, and we planned to wait two years before we had children. We started our marriage ‘controlling’ when and how many kids we had, and in the process of switching to a lower dosage I got pregnant with my first mini-me, just 2 months after we said I DO. After my first pregnancy, I did not immediately go back on the pill (young and thought that if I was nursing I could not get pregnant) and when my Kayla was 6 months old, I got pregnant with my sweet boy, Isaiah. So 2 kids in 2 years, as opposed to first child after two years…very little money…Ukali was in school full-time and working full-time, and I was home as we both agreed I would be when we had children. We both agreed that we were no longer fans of any form of birth control but we were fans of prayer. So we submitted the control of the timing and size of our family to the Lord, and prayed that the Lord would allow us two years between the birth of our last child and the arrival of the next. So we launched out without any form of bc on board and my baby boy was born 25 months after his big brother. God answered that prayer for us, but we regained control and exercised our right to choose how many, and my tubes were tied 2 months later.

    I ‘hear’ the excitement and anticipation in your voice…you are eagerly looking forward to being a mother. That is the heart of God alive within you, and it’s that heart that will always wrestle with the ideologies of the world that we accept as right or true. Understand Rachel, that the only motive for birth control is spelled out in the name, CONTROL. My husband and I have both served in ministry during our marriage, and I was raised by the church, to believe that my greatest achievements or accomplishments would be seen/experienced outside of our home, so that’s where I spent a lot of my time. I held ministry positions and was even ordained as a pastor in 2005. I now know better. God’s word is clear…human life can come through no other created thing on earth but us. Raising children to live and look and walk and talk and think an love like our Lord, while helping our Adam to become the man God created him to be, by obeying the Lords commands instead of rebelling against them, is a full time job, but it’s a job with immeasurable rewards and blessings. So, do I think you should come off of birth control and just see how things play out? No, I think you should come off of birth control and trust God to always do what will cause you to seek him more, to love him more, to serve him more, to lay your life down more than you ever thought you would. I think you should trust God to provide and care for your babies who are waiting to be born to you and your sweetie in your young marriage. If I were back in time where you are I would probably say something different, but because I have been where you are the view is different from a ways down the road. I guarantee you that when your children come you will never look back and think this was poor timing, or a bad idea…your heart will burst wide open, and you will understand the Sacrifice that our lives rest on more than you ever imagined… What do I think? I believe with all my heart that you should give the control back to the Lord, not to the god of evolutionary science and humanistic development. And PLEASE keep me posted. My prayers are with you guys, however you decide to move forward. God is faithful!

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      Rachel Self said:
      October 31, 2012 at 9:25 am

      Thanks for your reply. It hits hard, and I’m having to do a lot of self-examination. I suppose my husband and I BOTH really need to pray hard about this and talk it through.

      What I’m thinking now though, is that I just really want to be a mother. I almost feel like it’s making my desire for kids more important than him finishing school. The “plan” is that I wait just 9 months before going off the pill. So I kind of feel like I’m being selfish. “No….I don’t want to wait 9 months; I want a baby NOW! And I don’t care if it messes up the plan.” I really don’t want to disrespect his leadership or de-value his education, especially when he’s SO CLOSE to finishing and then I will have everything I want in this regard. I guess I’m struggling between ‘honoring God by submitting to my husband’, and ‘honoring God by trusting His timing.’ It’s like my personal desire lines up with relinquishing control, but my mind says that my personal desire is selfish. It’s just really hard.

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        joyfullysubmitted responded:
        October 31, 2012 at 12:55 pm

        Hi Rachel! Let me say that I feel your heart on this one! First things first…PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!!! God has a way of working things out that leaves us shaking our heads and thinking, “I don’t know why I ever worried about that”… He will work things out according to His will and His pleasure for all those whose hearts are for Him and Him alone. There is no other experience on earth that compares with carrying a life inside of you and nurturing that life, and then hear them take their first breath and emit their first cry…As women we are created by God to bring forth life!!! So it’s no surprise that our hearts, young and old, yearn for this. In my experience, the Lord shocked us by COMPLETELY changing our plans and leading us on the most incredible adventure that can only be described in one word… PARENTING! 😀 I am not saying that this is what the Lord is doing/is going to do in your life, but I just want you to be open to whatever the Lord does… whatever changes He makes… God has been known to COMPLETELY FRUSTRATE our plans, but when He does, know that on the other side of frustration and fear of the unknown and the unanswered ‘what ifs’, is a life filled with joy and laughter and pain and tears and LIFE WORTH LIVING!!! And it is wonderful and beautiful and we miss it when we do things our way and not His…and these wonderful blessings are all tied to obeying His word, and largely tied to obeying the first command given before the law, “be fruitful and multiply’. In the case of women who have been unable to have children and whose hearts long for them, I encourage opening our hearts to adoption and multiplying by raising the children God gives in His word…. All things considered, God will never lead us to disobey Him. Continue to submit to your husband in heart and deed, and continue to pray that as you submit, that both of your hearts will be open to Gods plans for your lives should they differ from the plans you’ve set… and embrace His ways in EVERYTHING. (Proverbs 16:1, 19:21, 20:24, Jeremiah 29:11)

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          Rachel Self said:
          November 1, 2012 at 2:05 pm

          Thanks so much for that. Especially the Scripture at the end. I’m not meditating on those verses quite a bit. Regardless of what my husband and I decide to do here, I know I need to relinquish control to God and my husband in this. Peacefulwife’s comment below really convicted me as well. ” It is also largely why women can work today and that has brought a whole host of other problems that never existed before – and increases the disrespect level of women towards their husbands many times.” This is, of course, the very reason we are using the pill and I do struggle with that. Though I love and respect my husband, and even clearly see the reason that we’ve chosen to wait–it’s still hard not to pray against my husband’s wishes in this. And it’s hard not to wish my husband would see the depth of my desire, so that he would figure out a way to make it happen sooner. I know those feelings are what I really have to guard against. Thanks so much for this post–it’s really helping me! I can’t wait to read the next one.

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            joyfullysubmitted responded:
            November 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm

            Hi Rachel! I am in the middle of reading your wonderful post, ‘JESUS FIRST’, and I am soooooooooo appreciating your words over there! When in doubt, pray ‘Lord, your will, not ours, be done’, and you are praying in line with your husband, who wants to pursue the will of God as well, and the Lord, who wants to see His will brought to life in our lives 😀 It is a ‘safe zone’, when we don’t know how to pray and submit at the same time… Pray that our lives will line up with God’s will… remember that the Lord knows our hearts, and your desire to relinquish control will be honored by the Lord, and the Holy Spirit will empower you with the strength and wisdom to do just that! 😀 I look forward to hearing from you on Part 2! It should be up on Monday…

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              Rachel Self said:
              November 1, 2012 at 2:23 pm

              Thanks for the encouragement! Glad you’re enjoying my post 🙂

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    Joyful Reader said:
    October 30, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    I too have only just found your blog and have enjoyed it a lot. I agree with your post totally. The person who wrote the response to the Duggars is obviously a woman who dislikes children and is climbing the corporate ladder. I was only able to conceive one biological child and the Lord made way for us to adopt a brother and sister together. So our family grew even though I did not physically bring them into the world. We never know what God has planned for us. And I feel that He made the way for our son and daughter to be with us just the way the did. I would love to have a large family but I will leave that up to the Lord! God Bless and thank you for what you do!

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      joyfullysubmitted responded:
      October 30, 2012 at 1:07 pm

      Hi Joyful Reader! It is always great to hear from women who have been blessed by what they read here. And I love your story, although having experienced the adoption process, I know this is not the whole thing…but it’s all God! It’s His grace! It’s His heart! And you have been blessed among women to not just be trusted to love the babies born of your own heart and from your love, but to be trusted by God to care for the ones that are known by His love nad who hold His heart!! What an honor it is to adopt!!! This is a topic near and dear to my heart…James 1:27 said it best…
      “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.” Sometimes we forget the last part of this verse…refusing to let the world corrupt you…how does the world corrupt us? in our thinking..the way we think about babies (not livng, not deserving of our protection), children in general (a bother, too expensive, we need a break…), and orphans (someboby else’s problem). Our Leah added to our family, and God has used her heart to enlarge ours even more. not only will 50 of her 100 kids be adopted, but her older siblings plan to adopt multiple children, and we wil be pursuing international adoption in the very near future. Where we are now is not where we ever planned to be, and Gods plans have proven to be greater and better than the ones I dreamed up! Keep your heart open Joyful Reader and He will keep speaking to it!!!

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    peacefulwife said:
    November 1, 2012 at 11:01 am

    I WISH that I had considered this topic a lot more seriously when we were first married. I was IN CONTROL of my life and terrified to give God control on every level. We used birth control pills for many years (to help with my heavy periods and to wait on pregnancy) until my husband had insurance and I knew I could go part time when we had babies. I need to write a post on this! But I was SO AFRAID when I came off of pills. I felt very out of control and panicked. I had not been practicing trusting God and I was scared to death. Thankfully, we got pregnant the first month, or I may have gone back on the pills. I didn’t like feeling out of control and not being in charge. But I really NEEDED that experience to see that I AM NOT IN CONTROL!

    I think birth control pills were a HUGE part of the shift in mentality and the definition of femininity and marriage that began in the 1960s. It has allowed us to separate procreation from sex – and that has resulted in so many nightmare issues. It is also largely why women can work today and that has brought a whole host of other problems that never existed before – and increases the disrespect level of women towards their husbands many times.

    There are so many ramifications! It is just crazy!

    Is it always a sin to use birth control pills or birth control? I don’t really know! I don’t think I can judge that. I think only God knows that for sure. And there can be medical reasons women use them. I think just like with everything in the Christian walk it boils down to – what are my motives? Am I honoring God and His Word and His design? Am I being selfish? Do I have idols in my heart?

    But I do know that when the concept of birth control entered our culture – it was introduced by feminists who hated God’s design for marriage, and hated God, His Word and His church. They were intent on destroying God-given authority, and godly marriage, and godly families. The concept of birth control has changed the way we value children. It has made them “an inconvenience.” We sometimes desire a good figure rather than the gift of children. This has affected our ideas about so many areas of life. I don’t know that it’s possible to overestimate the impact of birth control on our culture, families, marriages, churches and society.

    I want to see us honoring God, seeking Him above all else, looking to His Word and bringing great glory to Him!

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      peacefulwife said:
      November 1, 2012 at 11:02 am

      PS – I pray about adoption often! I would love to see Christians adopting up all the children in the world who need loving homes. I pray for God to meet their needs and to empower us and motivate us to meet those needs!

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        joyfullysubmitted responded:
        November 1, 2012 at 1:24 pm

        This is, of course, very near and dear to my heart!!! I will pray with you…having adopted once already, our family is very excited 12 years later, to do it again…and again… :D…”Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.” James 1:27 (one of my faves!)

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      joyfullysubmitted responded:
      November 1, 2012 at 1:22 pm

      Hey Peacefulwife 😀 I will be reposting your comment as part of a follw-up post if that’s ok with you??? It’s alraedy in the works, but you worded my thoughts so perfectly and it did my heart so much good to read your words!!! WELL said my sister ❤

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      jaley2012 said:
      November 1, 2012 at 11:35 pm

      Peacefulwife, I’ve linked to this page from your Facebook page. I really like what you have to say about marriage and submission (I’ve been a fan of “The Surrendered Wife” for many years). You are a medical professional. You and your family have benefited from the opportunities available to women today. What you’ve written above seems to contradict that. I agree that the original comment on the news article was way out of line (the Duggars are free to have as many children as they so desire) but I think your friend’s reaction was legalistic. Perhaps I’m guilty of believing the lies of the “The World” but my husband and I are quite happy with the one child that we have. I will be interested in reading more from you on this subject.

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        peacefulwife said:
        November 3, 2012 at 10:09 am

        Jaley,

        My apologies, I have been working the past two days and haven’t had much time to be online.

        I am happy to talk about anything you’d like. What is it that seems contradictory to you? I will do my best to address it. Thanks!

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        peacefulwife said:
        November 4, 2012 at 3:11 pm

        Jaley,
        I am assuming that you mean that my family has benefitted financially from me working as a pharmacist? Yes. I have been able to make more money than I ever expected in college. A pharmacist shortage began a few years after I graudated and the incomes for pharmacists rose rapidly for many years. That sounds great, right?

        Well… I went into pharmacy knowing that I wanted to be able to be a mom and work part time at the maximum when I had children. But I did NOT anticipate how my earning so much more money than my husband would adversely impact our marriage and my ability to be home as much as I believed God wanted me to be.

        My husband was always so excited for me to work extra, every time I was offered more hours. Once I had children, I wanted to be home MORE. But because there was a pharmacist shortage, I was getting calls every week from the retail pharmacy where I worked begging me to work more. And my husband wanted me to work more. I did NOT want to work more! I wanted to be home. I wanted to feel valuable apart from my paycheck. I longed for my husband to tell me I could quit work and stay home full time. Work was sometimes EXTREMELY stressful. 12-14 hour shifts with no lunch or bathroom breaks. Patients forging prescriptions and threatening me with bodily harm if I didn’t fill their narcotics early sometimes, always a risk of being robbed at gunpoint for Oxycontin, angry patients who were sick and tired and didn’t want to wait and would yell and cuss at me. It was not glamorous! I would go home crying most nights and beg my husband to let me be home with my children and be off on Sundays (I had to work every other Sunday at all of my jobs until the past year and a half).

        During that time, my husband NEVER told me he valued me as a mother or as a wife. I began to resent my pharmacy degree. I began to resent my paycheck. I knew if I hadn’t gone to college, I wouldn’t make so much money and it wouldn’t make sense for me to work. But when I could make in 12 hours what my husband could make at his state engineering job in 40 hours – the pressure was always on me to work more, take the extra shifts and bring in MORE. MORE, MORE.

        I cried. I pouted. I resented my husband for wanting money more than I thought he wanted me. I felt that he was just going to spend the money on luxury electronics that I didn’t even want in the house. I resented the tv. I resented the luxurious life style. I was willing to live in a double wide trailer with no heat and be home with my children where I believed I belonged. I wanted to be with them all the time. I wanted to be the mom all the time. I felt so trapped by my degree and income.

        My higher income also contributed a lot to my feeling that I needed to be or was in control and to my disrespect for my husband, as did my pharmacy knowledge. That knowledge puffed me up with pride.

        When I began studying godly femininity I mourned what I felt I had lost – the ability to be a valued housewife and mother. My career prevented me from having that opportunity and gift. I also mourned how much birth control had affected my views on children earlier in our marriage. I felt like women’s lib had robbed me of some of the richest blessings of feminiity. And I grieved deeply over that.

        My biggest obstacle to submitting to my husband was that I was terrified he would ask me to work more. My hours were cut suddenly from 24 hours/week to 8 hours/week right before CHristmas of 2010 and we lost the equivalent of my husband’s entire yearly income. I cried for 3 days, but then realized that I had been praying to learn to be less materialistic and praying to be home more and decided this was God answering my prayers.

        My husband was not happy about the hours being cut. His drive is to think about providing financially. But I felt very pressured to work more if I could. I was so afraid that if I began submitting and respecting to him that he would tell me I had to go back to 20 hours/week. I really wanted to quit and never ever go back to pharmacy. But I was working the 8 hours/week because he wanted me to.

        When I did submit to him, I got job offers for more hours every month out of the blue for about 6 months. I would let my husband consider each offer and wait in fear for him to tell me I had to take it and work more. But each time, he decided to let me make the decision and he didn’t push me. So I am now working just 11 hours/week. But the past year and a half I am at an independent pharmacy where I can be off on Sundays and evenings and hollidays and the job is not as stressful, most of the time, as it was at the retail chains where I truly worried I was rushing so much that I was going to hurt someone.

        It is still my prayer that if God wills, I might be able to quit pharmacy one day. But for now, I accept that God has me still in pharmacy according to His will since my husband has asked me to continue working the 11 hours/week. And now I do try to work an extra shift or two when I can to give my husband some extra money for the renovations he has been doing .

        Now I know my husband does value me as a mother. Now I know he does love me apart from my paycheck.

        But the wives I know who have been the primary breadwinner or the sole bread winner tend to resent their husbands and their jobs and regret not being home more with their children.

        I am not sure if that totally answers your questions? Let me know if you had any other questions. Thanks!

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    Sheryl Lynn said:
    November 1, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    AS a mom of 8 we have encountered many negative people over the years. We have been married 26 years and our children range from 6-26 🙂 My children are a Blessing and I would gladly have more if the Lord should choose to Bless me. I would suggest those questioning the issue of birth control read Full Quiver and check out quiverful.com . You are NOT trusting God if you use birth control. Many good, prolife Christian people do not realize that the birth control pill causes you to ABORT a baby if you should get pregnant while on it! Same with most IUD’s.

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      joyfullysubmitted responded:
      November 1, 2012 at 1:29 pm

      Hi Sheryl and welcome to Joyfullysubmitted.com! I am so glad to have your comments/thoughts shared here. this is an area where many women have struggled and still struggle. I love your heart (and the size of your family :D), and appreciate your desire to submit to God in ALL things. Continue to stand boldly, and pray for the heart of Christ to be developed in women/wives/mothers everywhere! Thanks so much for sharing!!! 😀

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    peacefulwife said:
    November 4, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    As a pharmacist, my understanding of the way birth control pills work is that they
    1. suppress ovulation by fooling the body into thinking you are pregnant
    2. prevent the lining of the uterus from building up to prepare for a baby to implant

    There is debate over this issue. There is no proof that ovulation is ALWAYS suppressed. But most of the time, it is thought that is what happens. Then if ovulation is not suppressed, it could be possible to conceive, but the lining of the uterus is not built up so it would be more difficult to implant.

    Some people call that abortion. I really can’t prove what happens precisely and that concerned me with pills. That is why I decided not to use them, even when it looked like another pregnancy would be too risky to my health – which is why we opted for surgery.

    I believe this will have to be a decision considered with much prayer and that motives must be carefully examined.

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