The Name-Game:Is a woman who hyphenates her last name not submitting to her husband? A Husband’s Response

Posted on Updated on

Below is a comment that was shared in response to the original post, The Name Game: Is a woman who hyphenates her last name not submitting to her husband? I appreciate Benjamins input GREATLY and wanted to share his words, which communicate very specifically from Gods Word, with all of you.  If this is an area of ‘struggle’, please recognize that any time we struggle within ourselves when God’s word is shared, that struggle is a symptom of our rebellious hearts and minds.  Read Benjamins comment. Meditate on Gods word. Let it change your heart and mind. Choose to submit.


…. I am thrilled that you decided to start tackling this topic; it is something that has been on my own heart and mind. My thoughts led me to question this as well. I knew that in Spaniard cultures, the hyphenation of the wife’s name was normal (although I do not know the reasoning behind it), which is something that they have been doing for generations. But what does it mean in our own culture? I have pondered this myself, and I think that it goes beyond submission to the husband (as you have rightly pointed out). It goes to the point of not submitting to ANY authority. And why not? Although I love my country, let’s be honest, that is how our country was founded. We failed to submit to God’s authority, and I believe that we are paying for that sin by perpetuating it.

I love the way you worded this: “It doesn’t communicate unity or oneness or sacrifice, it communicates division, and a reluctance to really take on our husbands name and hang on to our own is communicating that Eve is still alive and well.” Now, when I look at the Bible, what I see is instructions and edification for CHRISTIAN COMMUNITIES. Having studied Ephesians recently, I started to notice some things that shed a TON of light for me on Ephesians 5 and 6. This epistle is about family. SPECIFICALLY, it is about how the family of God should look in comparison with those of the world. The language he uses is so blatantly family oriented, and so eternally rooted in Christ. For instance,

(1) We have the Father (1:2-3) and His mighty work in predestining us through the finished work of Christ.
(2) Paul makes it plain that this predestining salvation is by grace alone, while dead in our trespasses (2:1-10).
(3) Paul stresses our exclusion and then grafting into the family of God because while dead in our trespasses as Gentiles we were “alienated from the COMMONWEALTH of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise” (2:12), but now are brought near (2:13).
(4) and create in himself ONE NEW MAN IN PLACE OF TWO, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in ONE BODY (2:15)

(5) Now “we both [Jew and Gentile] have access in one Spirit to the Father…” and are “members of the HOUSEHOLD of God” (2:18-19).
(6)This inclusion of Gentiles was once a “mystery [whereby] the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body” (3:6).
(7) So in the Father “every FAMILY (or all fatherhood in the Greek) in heaven and on earth is named” (3:14-15).
(8) Chapters 4 and 5 seem to bridge much of this material together. WE DO NOT WALK AS THE GENTILES (non-believers) do any longer (4:17) and put off the old self (4:22), but instead we walk wisely (5:15) and put on the new self (4:24).
(9) We are to be imitators of Christ “as BELOVED CHILDREN” (5:1)

So what I see at the end is this: But we are filled with the Spirit (5:18b). We look to Christ as our example (5:1-2), we now walk at children of light (5:8b-21). We live ordered and non-chaotic relationships (5:22-6:9) that are submissive, and how do we now protect that orderly life from the attacks that come from the Enemy (spiritual armor of God; see 6:10-20).

Truly, what women (and men) have been sold is a beautifully packaged bundle of C4 explosive lies. This is what happens to marriages when the armor of God is not put on. Can you imagine hyphenating your last name with Christ? Benjamin Wordly-Christian. Or Benjamin Satanic-Christian. You are so right, Selena, in pointing out that women that take this approach start the marriage in division, much like a marriage with a pre-nup. And men taking women’s last names? That is an issue of a man with a deeply wounded heart; a man living in the passive nature of Adam.

I do not want to say that all live this rebelliously that hyphenate. Sometimes it is not so much a heart problem as an ignorance problem. But what does that say about the leaders of the Church. If the Bible is written for Kingdom Communities, then it is time that we focus on the Church’s understanding of submitting to Christ and let the world see that we live differently, exactly what Ephesians is telling us to do! Let the world be independent, arrogant and full of vain self-worship, and let US stop following their lead.


After reading the comment above, what are your thoughts? What is God saying to your heart? What struggle are you identifying? Have you realized that you “have been sold is a beautifully packaged bundle of C4 explosive lies”? Wherever you find yourself, I would love to hear from you 😀


One thought on “The Name-Game:Is a woman who hyphenates her last name not submitting to her husband? A Husband’s Response

    peacefulwife said:
    November 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    LOVE THIS! Thank you for sharing, Benjamin! Powerful stuff. 🙂


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s