Are you tired of comparing yourself to others and coming up short???

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I haven’t been posting on the blog since before the holiday. I’ve been spending the time I usually spend writing with my loves. I used to feel sad when I would be away from the blog for a few days and the stats would drop waaaaaaaayyyyyy down, and the notifications of ‘likes’ and comments would dry up like the Sahara. There have been so many days that I have felt ill-equipped, inferior, and just plain mediocre, as I watched other blogs that began around the same time that this one did grow and experience hundreds and thousands of views DAILY.  I would ask myself, ‘How are they able to post stuff soooo frequently?’… And my answer? They just must be better organized than me…I just don’t have what they have… I mean, between homeschooling our four children, operating a home based business, making and selling craft items, cooking 2-3 meals a day, laundry, cleaning…LIFE!! I was sure that I could make time to write and post more!!! And I was right.  I could make time…I could be more organized and more efficient…after midnight, when I was exhausted and needed to be preparing for the next school day, and business interactions…and spending time with my sweetie after the kids are in bed…and when I should be getting sleep…that’s when I could write!!! But alas, spending time with Kali..and sleep, seemed to win out religiously! It broke my heart to admit to myself that I was not only unable to keep up with other bloggers, but that I really didn’t want to. I wasn’t just devastated at that realization, I was even more horrified at where that realization revealed to me that I had been resting my heart at.  At that moment, I realized that I was stuck in a place where many a woman has or will find themselves at some point in life.  It’s a place called Comparisonville.

At this stage in my life I no longer struggle with comparing my appearance to the appearance of others. Psalm 139:14 has been applied to that area and works beautifully. Because of this I thought that my days of feeling insecure or inadequate were long behind me.  But pride, and selfishness are equal opportunity uglies.  So, at the age of 39, after spending 20 years actively seeking God and learning how to navigate the road to becoming who He designed me to become, I was saddened to find things that did not please Him in my heart. The world of blogging is not evil, but it revealed some evil things that were hidden in my heart.  I would look at the blogs of women, some friends, who began their adventure in blog world around the same time that I did, and feel slightly worthless when I saw hundreds…even thousands of views and ‘followers’, when I was happy to see double digits a couple of times a week.  Somehow, my self-worth had become wrapped up and entangled tightly with my blog stats instead of nestling securely in the arms of my Creator!!!! And as such, my value seemed to drop lower and lower daily…sometimes hourly!  Many of us are currently held captive by the cultures definitions of beauty and success.  We spend our days emulating celebrities with our hair and our dress, and aspiring to live their posh and lavish lifestyles.  We compare our eyes, our noses, our waistlines, our lips, our jaw-lines, even our butts! The list is endless.  And if we fall too short of the comparison, we are even willing to pay for the physical alterations so that we can feel better about ourselves.  Although many have set up residence here, most haven’t realized that Comparisonville is a selfish place to live.  All of the focus is either on you or others, and that leaves very little, if any attention, left to be showered on our Lord. And it does not simply stop with comparing ourselves. Comparing ourselves in any area inevitably leads to two other uglies; envy and jealously.

Envy is defined as a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities.  Synonyms for envy are  covetousness; resentment, bitterness, discontent; the green-eyed monster. Have  you ever felt discontented with your own life or possessions/accomplishments after seeing someone else and comparing what you have/are with what they have/appear to be? If the answer is yes, then you, my dear, are not only trapped in Comparisonville, but you live in the suburb of Envy.

Jealous is defined as feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages. Synonyms for jealous(y) are desirous; resentful, grudging, begrudging,  insecure, anxious; possessive.  Have you ever found yourself desiring something that someone else possessed or had achieved? Have you ever discovered resentment in your heart towards someone who had done you no wrong?  Has someone else’s possessions or achievements ever caused you to feel insecure or anxious? If your answer is yes to ANY of the above then your mail is being sent to the large suburban community of Jealousy.

Some people feel that comparing themselves to others, which then leads to a lack of gratitude, envy and jealousy, are good motivators in life.  Gods word says differently.  These are not only negative emotions that poison the heart and the mind, they also destroy relationships and steal our peace! Let’s see what Gods word says about this.

I may not be able to write as often as I would like until my kids have moved on to their next phase in life.  I prefer to spend my evenings enjoying the company of the only man who occupies my heart, and has my unending love, loyalty and respect.  The time away has helped me to see that as long as I continue to compare myself to others, and this blog to other blogs, I am choosing to lose focus on the reason God impressed upon my heart to begin this blog in the first place.  You see, this blog may share information and experiences that involve me and my life, but it’s ultimately about Him…you know…HIIIIIMMMMM? The One who loved me and you soooo much that He ransomed our lives willingly, freeing us from the painfully dismal lives that we had chosen for ourselves, and replacing that life with the joy-filled life that He planned for us long ago…that Him! How do I compare anything to Him?!?!?! There is nothing that compares to His glory and His amazing grace. Nothing! And there are no plans that I could come up with that are better for me than the ones HE came up with!!! And there is no one I would rather be than the girl who HE created…the girl that HE loves…the girl that HE willingly gave HIS life for. So, rather than spending our time comparing ourselves to others, let’s invest that precious time thanking the Lord for how He made us.  Let’s spend our valuable time thanking him for what we do have, and for who we are becoming. There may be a lot of talents that you don’t possess, but there are a lot that you do.  Comparing ourselves to others blinds us to the beauty and value of our own broken vessel, that was not ony offered to a holy, magnificent King, but was received by Him with great joy! Rather than focusing on what we don’t have/can’t do, let’s set our hearts to discover how many ways we can give God glory from our lives.  Let’s all wave goodbye to Comparisonville…. Choose to compare yourself no more!!!…..and finally come alive!!

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4 thoughts on “Are you tired of comparing yourself to others and coming up short???

    peacefulwife said:
    November 29, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Selena,
    My sweet friend!!!!!!! I love this post. It is VERY easy to start looking at numbers when you are a blogger and to think more numbers = more “success.” There have been many days I have had to repent to God about caring too much about numbers and just ask Him to bring whomever He wants to read and leave the results and harvest up to Him.

    It is so easy to compare ourselves. Being an identical twin – my sister and I compared ourselves and other people compared EVERYTHING about us CONSTANTLY. Being a twin can be fun. But the never-ending comparisons were TOO MUCH PRESSURE!

    God has made us each unique and for His purposes. I am amazed at all that you do – and I think you have chosen wisely to homeschool your children and to spend more time with your wonderful husband. 🙂 Those things are so VERY precious.

    I have prayed about homeschooling, too – but my husband wants our children in public school. So I am trusting God with that. That is why I have extra hours to spend writing. But is blogging more important than homeschooling? Nope!

    I love your beautiful, God-given priorities. I love your honesty and openness.

    Thank you for sharing your heart!

    Wish I could hug your neck!

    Like

      joyfullysubmitted responded:
      November 30, 2012 at 1:51 pm

      I have tried to post a response since yesterday but appear to have had some issues with my server…here is my delayed response…

      April, any communication from you always puts a smile on my face!! My life is a busy place, but over the years I have learned that time lost with loved ones cannot be redeemed. My family is gracious with my time, but as I shared in a previous conversation, I ‘unbalance’ easily!!! 😀 I must have boundaries or I become VERY lopsided! Our kids began with public schooling but were removed after much prayer and consideration. You guys should check out a DVD called ‘Indoctrination’ available at Visionforum.com. View it prayerfully and see what the Lord leads you to do… Meeting you has been a complete source of joy and encouragement this year!!! I thank God for you and ALL that you do and the many people impacted by your ministry!!! God is amazing in you and doing GREAT things THROUGH you!!! You are a blessing to me!!! ❤ While I do not have a twin, I am blessed with 2 sisters and learned first hand growing up that the world has no idea how NOT to compare!!! That makes it even more difficult to break free, because the struggle isn't just within, it's all around us! The road to discovering, and then embracing and appreciating ourselves as God made us is long, and sadly a lot of us girls never complete the journey. I am still on the road, but every day I draw closer to where God planned for me to be. You are a source of encouragement and joy! I am so blessed to be connected to you and to have the blessing of your friendship! Your hug was transmitted effectively and I am sending one back!!!

      Like

    scentsableliving said:
    November 29, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Selena,

    You are a very gifted writer and express your feelings so openly and honestly.

    You are utilizing every single ounce of your time in an area that God wouldn’t have any other way and that is with your family, creating memories that will last a life time. Your blog differs from others in that you are writing about things that inspire you and not just filling it with product information. I found myself feeling so stressed out and bound to blogging for a while because one was reliant on inspiration and the other was for my business. One was a passion, the other an income. I had to choose between the two and chose to let the homemaking one go (don’t get me wrong, I love being a homemaker, just couldn’t find the time to blog about it anymore). I love spending time with my family, homeschooling, hiking, crafting and making memories just didn’t have the time to write about it and yet there was a demand there that left me feeling guilty… feeling guilty over stats, numbers, people I don’t even know. I had to shake it off, do a self check and make a change, and now I can focus on my family and my business 😀

    Do you remember when we first talked about blogging? How writing inspirational posts take more time and effort compared to running a product based blog? One would have more information because it’s easy to post stats, facts and product, the other would have less, take more time yet be be extremely beneficial and encouraging and from the heart? Yours is the latter, it is meat…it is encouraging, inspiring and fun to read. I love seeing and reading what your family is up to and seeing your beautiful smiling face.

    Stay the course friend, and continue doing what you are doing. Your family has been hit so hard this year with life circumstances out of your control. I’m sure it is showing you the value of life, the importance of time together and a lifetime of memories just waiting to be made.

    “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 You’re in the right place, you are right where the Lord has you and in due time you will see the fruit of your labor. ♥

    Like

    joyfullysubmitted responded:
    November 30, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Tanya, thank you so much for bringing that conversation back to my rememberance!!! I had forgotten that…but maybe that was the way God worked in this case…My struggle would not have allowed me to appreciate the reminder had it come sooner. Your timing was perfect! I could hear your voice saying this to me as I read it…what a blessing seeing that we haven’t connected in what seems like ages 😀 I genuinely appreciate the encouragement and support. My family has been hit hard this year with death and loss, and all of it has worked together to cause me to value time above money and activities… I have grown to appreciate life and love more than I ever thought I could, and to thank God every minute for allowing me to experience both! You are missed and your encouragement is appreciated ❤

    Like

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