“We all know who wears the pants in this family!”

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Early in our marriage I had an eye-opening, heart changing experience that I want to share with you. We had guests over for dinner, and although I can’t remember the details of our conversation, there is one part of it that I will never forget.  That would be when the young man in response to something said, replied, “That’s OK, because we all know who wears the pants in this family.”  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  And my heart dropped, because I knew immediately that he was not talking about my husband! I desperately searched to discover what had I done…what was I doing… that would cause other men to look at my husband as less than a man of honor? Now, I understand that we live in a day and time where to hear that said is a compliment to some women… but I wasn’t one of them.  Those words sliced right through me!!!! They cut through my strong personality, quick-witted, take charge exterior…and they broke my heart! What was so bad about those words?  Why would they cause me so much distress? Very simply, I was devastated to hear those words, not just because of wat they said about me, but because of what they depicted about him…my love…my sweetie…

As terrible as it was to hear that, it was one of the best things that could have happened (Isn’t God amazing?!?!?! He knows EVERYTHING!)  Those words, spoken very casually as if that was normal and acceptable, were the beginning of an end for me.  Let me explain…

While most women don’t view being perceived as a non-submissive wife to be a bad ting, I believe that would change drastically if we looked at the word very intently…which I did…and I DID NOT like what I saw at all. Let’s take a journey through a brief word study, shall we? The words below are all words that can be accurately used to describe a wife or a woman who submits to Gods authority (for the single woman), and the authority of her husband.

 The  definition of Submission;

to submit –  the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person

• archaic humility;



submission to authority

yielding (relinquish, bequeath, give up te struggle)

Bequeath (pass down or on to, entrust to)







docility (Latin dociles, from docere meaning to ‘teach’, apt or willing to learn)




give in/way

back down

abide by

conform to




Now, these are not words that we are particularly fond of.  Their imagery is one of weakness, and who wants to be viewed as weak? But as much as we may not like these words, I have a feeling we will be dismayed at the next list.  While the words above are all used to define or explain submission,  the next group of words is used to define a lack of submission. We will focus on just a couple of words from above (the ones in bold) looking at antonyms 😀

to submit; yielding (relinquish, bequeath, give up te struggle), Bequeath (pass down or on to, entrust to), 

docility (Latin dociles, from docere meaning to ‘teach’, apt or willing to learn)

 The following words can accurately be used to describe a woman/a wife who refuses/resists submitting to God and her husband;

























out of control


Whoa!!! That’s a lot of strong, descriptive words!!! Now lets pick a couple from both lists and compare.

A woman who submits to her husband’s authority as instructed to by God’s Word (1 Peter 3:1-2) is viewed as meek (quiet and gentle), compliant, docile (apt or willing to learn), and subservient. On the contrary, a woman who refuses to, or is resistant to the very idea of submitting, she is unfavorably viewed as recalcitrant, uncooperative, intractable, obstreperous, truculent, insubordinate, defiant, rebellious, willful, wayward, headstrong, self-willed, contrary, perverse, difficult. Now, you tell me what Christ loving woman wants to be seen as any of the above words?

So, when my heart should have been set on honoring God, and my husband and demonstrating a willingness to submit to both, my heart had actually been trained to pose as a good wife but silently resist and defy authority.  While my husband thought he was marrying a gentle, quiet young woman, and a wife who was willing to learn, he had actually married a woman who was unruly, unmanageable, disorderly, undisciplined, uncontrollable, rowdy, disruptive, mutinous, riotous, out of control, turbulent….and she didn’t even know it! But other people could see it, which was why that heart slicing observational comment was made about me wearing the pants in the family…

Praise god my story doesn’t end there!!!! And neither does yours!!! While there is no honor for an unruly woman, God’s word says there is praise and honor for the virtuous one!  Do not fear…The God we serve is faithful!

“And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them.I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart so they will obey my decrees and regulations. Then they will truly be my people, and I will be their God.” Ezekiel 11:18-20 

Did you get that? When we choose to truly turn our hearts back to God He will;

1. give us singleness of heart

2. put a new spirit within us

3. take away our stony, stubborn heart

4. give us a tender, responsive heart

Why will He do this!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!


Ladies, I have seen God first hand do exactly what he said he would do in me…and if you are feeling trapped in this horrible cycle than I want to encourage you that he can do the same thing for you.  Don’t forget, I am sharing my story this week, but your turn is coming.  I want to hear from you.  Has your heart been changed? Let us know and take advantage of an opportunity to encourage others with your story!  Join us tomorrow for the next video blog! Have a good night and I’ll see you tomorrow


9 thoughts on ““We all know who wears the pants in this family!”

    My Bode Transformation (Shezsaved Edition) said:
    October 2, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    Very, very good post
    Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


    peacefulwife said:
    October 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    I LOVE this! I relate so much to your story. And the time tables God has us both on are uncanny! I, too, was born in 1973. And I have been married 18 years. And I just started blogging about respect and submission in January with my husband’s full support. Actually, he was the one who begged me to teach other women what God has taught me. And I am in awe and humbled that God can take my 15.5 years of disrespect, blindness, pride, defiance and sin and use it for His glory now to lead other women to a closer walk with Him and to honor their husbands. I saw your video about submission. And I just cried tears of joy! Thank you for being my co-laborer in Christ. I have been praying for you and many other women for God to raise up women to teach wives in Christ’s church to truly live for God and obey Him and find the abundant life He has in store for us. I can’t wait to continue on this journey together!


      joyfullysubmitted responded:
      October 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

      Let me just say that God’s timing is PERFECT!!! Today was a strain and I found myself constantly reminding myself to bring EVERY thought captive to the obedience of Christ!!! My heart was so longing for women to connect with and share this journey with and grow with and pray with…and then I come home and your comments are waiting and I feel sooooo blessed… I even had to remind myself today that if only one woman ever read the posts and her heart changed it would be worth it….THANK YOU for your Holy Spirit timed to perfection encouragement! ❤


        peacefulwife said:
        October 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm

        I, too, leave the numbers in God’s hands. I trust Him in His sovereignty to bring the wives He wants to hear His message in His time, by His power, for His glory. I so want this to be TOTALLY about Christ, and not about me. I have a vision that if Satan could use a handfull of women to destroy the definition of God-given authority, marriage, submission, respect, godly femininity, family… then surely our sovereign and omnipotent Christ can now raise up some of His women, empowered by His Spirit to teach and rebuild and restore the women of His church to their rightful relationship with Christ and with their husbands! And I am willing and ready to be used in any way God wants to use me. I know you are, too! I can’t wait to see what He has in store!


          joyfullysubmitted responded:
          October 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

          Did I tell you that I was sooooooo blessed to make your acquaintance????? 😀 This is going to be a JOYFUL experience!!!! I am looking forward to it!!!!


            peacefulwife said:
            October 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

            I am EXTREMELY blessed to make your acquaintance, too! I don’t know if you have seen some of the videos I did last week. I just started doing those. I think the written word is very powerful. But then for wives to actually SEE and HEAR what it looks like and sounds like to honor God – that is extremely helpful. Many of these women have no godly examples of respect and submission. I’m so thankful God has called you to be a Titus 2 woman, too! WOOHOO! 🙂 You are a gift from God to me!


              joyfullysubmitted responded:
              October 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm

              I am gorging on your site now!!!! I will have to pace myself 😀 Are you at all familiar with Westernconservatory.com? If not, it may be something that you enjoy taking a look at. The resources are wonderful and have been a HUGE help to me on this journey…. in response to my ‘crisis’ of not having a Titus 2 Woman in my life, those resources partnered with God’s Word have helped and are helping to mature me into one for other women 😀


    Erika Bumgardner (@SlowlyNatural) said:
    January 22, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Great post!!! Praise God for the changes He has made in us!


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