Roe v. Wade Turns 40; Where Do We Go From Here?

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On Tuesday, January 23rd, many in our nation celebrated the 40th anniversary of the landmark Supreme Court decision, Roe v. Wade, that legalized abortion. While the celebrations were ensuing, there were many who grieved.  As my family continues to research the true history of Planned Parenthood, and the 40 year impact of a decision that told a nation that a life deemed unfit or unwanted was no longer a life, my heart breaks even more.  As we learn of the companies that use fetal tissue (the tissue of aborted babies that are overwhelmingly African Amarican) my grief turns to anguish.  Boundaries have long been crossed on this issue, and lines drawn in the sand long erased.  The following artcle was shared by Vision Forum Ministries and is being re-shared here in the hopes that its plea will be heard loud and clear…It is not too late to repent…


Past Failures and Future Resolves 
in the Battle for Human Life

By Wesley Strackbein

America’s holocaust continues.

Today more than 3,000 children will be murdered in the womb through surgical abortion. These dead children will be heaped on the more than 54 million others who have preceded them since the darkest day in American legal history which occurred when the Roe v. Wade decision was rendered by the U.S. Supreme Court. Forty years ago today, our nation’s highest court legally sanctioned the killing of the unborn.

As we consider this bloody slaughter, it behooves us to ask three key questions: How did Roe v. Wade come about? What has been the Church’s response over the last forty years? And, where do we go from here?

The Legal Backdrop for Roe: 
The Abandonment of Original Intent

In examining America’s legal history, it is clear that Roe v. Wade did not arise out of a vacuum. The decision flowed from a legal trend that had been in motion for more a hundred years in which the meaning of the U.S. Constitution was being increasingly redefined based on the view that it was an “evolving document.” Rather than defending its original intent as envisioned by the drafters of the Constitution, the black robed judges who presided over our nation’s courts were interpreting it to suit their own personal notions of what they deemed best for society.

This trend is pointedly illustrated in a seminal case that the Supreme Court handed down in 1965, eight years before Roe was decided — Griswold v. Connecticut.

Doug Phillips, a constitutional attorney and the founder of Vision Forum Ministries, notes the significance of this earlier landmark decision: “You cannot understand Roe unless you understand Griswold, and you cannot understand Griswold unless you understand the changing nature of judicial interpretation.”

In Griswold v. Connecticut, the Supreme Court struck down a law which forbade contraception use on the basis of “the right to privacy,” a doctrine found nowhere in the Constitution, yet one the justices derived from the “penumbras” and “emanations” of the document.

Phillips explains the Court’s strategy in invoking these terms in Griswold:

[The court] is speaking of little glowing halos around the broad-sweeping principles that are somehow emitted from the Constitution. In point of fact, they are telling us there is nothing in the Constitution that grants ‘the right to privacy,’ but it sure seems like it should be there. . . . What happened in Griswold laid the groundwork for Roe and the murder of unborn children.

The Hammer Falls: 
“Unborn Children are Not Persons”

The case of Roe v. Wade involved a suit made on behalf of Norma McCorvey (under the alias of “Jane Roe ”) who was unable to secure an abortion in Texas based on the state’s law at the time. While she had already given birth to her child by the time the case was heard, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of McCorvey on appeal in a 7-2 decision, invoking the “right of privacy” rationale that had been invented in Griswold.

While the Court was less than confident in defending the “right of privacy” doctrine from the Constitution itself, it nonetheless expanded it to include the right of a mother to murder her unborn child. In writing the majority opinion for the court, Justice Harry Blackmun stated:

[The] right of privacy, whether it be founded in the Fourteenth Amendment’s concept of personal liberty and restrictions upon state action, as we feel it is, or . . . in the Ninth Amendment’s reservation of rights to the people, is broad enough to encompass a woman’s decision whether or not to terminate her pregnancy.

Even as the justices in the majority invoked the Fourteenth Amendment as a purported “source” for the so-called “right to privacy,” the Supreme Court did an in-run around the Amendment’s Equal Protection Clause — which stipulates that “no state shall . . . deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws” — by denying the personhood of children in the womb.

Blackmun wrote: “the word ‘person,’ as used in the Fourteenth Amendment, does not include the unborn.”

Justice Byron White and William Rehnquist — the two judges who opposed the decision — took the majority’s reasoning to task in their dissent:

I find nothing in the language or history of the Constitution to support the Court’s judgment. The Court simply fashions and announces a new constitutional right for pregnant women and, with scarcely any reason or authority for its action, invests that right with sufficient substance to override most existing state abortion statutes.

The Cultural Landscape: 
A Weak and Abdicated Church

Though the legal trends that lead to Roe v. Wade are important to examine, even more important is where the Church was during this time.

Dan Becker, President of Georgia Right to Life and Field Director of Personhood USA, puts the matter bluntly: “How did [Roe] come about? It came about because of the absence of the Church.”

Doug Phillips agrees:

The Church completely abdicated from speaking to the legal, ethical, and biblical principles that apply to culture and to law. When Roe was ultimately declared by the Court, many Evangelical Christians had nothing to say to it, because they didn’t have a biblical worldview. For more than a century, the Church had increasingly resorted to a form of religious pietism which had no practical application to life and important cultural issues. The result was lamentable — the withdraw of the Church from every area of society meant the demise of our culture and our law system.

Dr. George Grant, a pro-life advocate who has written prolifically in defense of the unborn, offers a similar view.

As the Church, Grant states, “we were not preaching the Word of God, we were not training and equipping disciples, we were not reinforcing and strengthening the family and the other spheres.”

This led, argues Grant, to “a Church that had so marginalized itself intellectually and culturally that it was constitutionally incapable of speaking to the problems [of the day] articulately. That set up Roe v. Wade.”

Delving deeper, Phillips points to the blights of social Darwinism, utilitarianism, and radical feminism as key cultural forces that paved the way for Roe.

While the Church, for example, has historically embraced the sanctity of life from conception to death and welcomed children as a blessing, American Evangelicals in the twentieth century forsook these roots for a selfish course rooted in humanistic, evolutionary theory. Phillips observes:

The Church embraced the basic tenets of Margaret Sanger’s vision for the eugenic age which said that some people life is not worth living; that men can lawfully manipulate their reproduction; and that some babies shouldn’t be brought into this world.

One result attending this shift was that, by the middle decades of the twentieth century, mainline evangelical churches had embraced contraceptive use as a legitimate practice. In 1960, the Church accepted use of the Pill, which is known to act as an abortifacient. This occurred despite the fact that, prior to the last century, the orthodox Church has universally condemned contraceptive use as a selfish perversion of God’s design for human intimacy between husband and wife.

To paraphrase Hosea’s indictment: We sowed the wind — and when Roe was handed down on January 22, 1973 — we reaped the worldwind.

The Church Awakes: 
Whatever Happened to the Human Race?

Though the pall of death loomed over America’s unborn with the Roedecision, the Evangelical Church was not quick to wake from its slumber. While Roman Catholics were faster on point in the battle over the sanctity of human life, Protestants throughout the ’70s largely stayed on the sidelines.

Many longstanding leaders in the pro-life movement who are still active today credit Francis Schaeffer as a key prod who prompted Protestants to enter the fight. Dr. George Grant notes the significance of Schaeffer’s 1979 book and accompanying video, Whatever Happened to the Human Race?, which confronted the issues of abortion, euthanasia, and infanticide; as well as Schaeffer’s best-selling book, A Christian Manifesto, released in 1981, as works that spurred many Evangelicals to engage the arena in defense of life.

Dan Becker of Georgia Right to Life offers these comments:

“Francis Schaeffer was the one who brought most of the evangelical church to the pro-life movement itself back in the early ’80s. It was totally absent from the culture completely, prior to anything having to do with the sanctity of life. It wasn’t on the radar of [most] churches” until Schaeffer brought it to their attention.

Jim Zes, a Reformed Baptist who has been fighting for the sanctity of life for many years in the St. Louis area, remembers a billboard Schaeffer took out in a major Florida city that said, in essence, “Abortions clinics are open with permission by the Church of Jesus Christ.”

Schaeffer’s salvo on the Church’s lethargy is a theme that has motivated Zes to remain engaged in this battle for the long haul.

The Roaring ’80s: 
Progress and Compromise

As the ’80s progressed, pro-life Evangelicals gained more traction, notoriety, and influence. 1988 was a particularly noteworthy year for the movement on several fronts. On the fifteenth anniversary of Roe, Dr. George Grant published Grand Illusions, an earth-shattering expose of the legacy of Planned Parenthood that became a best-seller which has since been reissued in numerous languages and editions.

Also that year, Operation Rescue, under Randall Terry’s leadership, staged a series of controversial abortion clinic blockades in Atlanta, Georgia, surrounding the Democratic National Convention which resulting in more than 1,200 arrests.

Yet while the pro-life movement gained remarkable ascendancy and public awareness at this time, it was during this same general period that the movement on the whole took a turn for the worse, in terms of its core commitments.

The derailment occurred in conjunction with proposed changes to the Hyde Amendment, which since 1976 had banned federal Medicaid funding for abortion. In 1981, pro-lifers strenuously fought for rape, incest, and health of the mother exceptions of the mother to be dropped from the Hyde Amendment and won. Throughout the ’80s, the advocacy of such exceptions was deemed unacceptable by the major pro-life organizations, both Catholic and Protestant.

However, as the ’80s were coming to a close, the debate over the Hyde Amendment was reopened on Capitol Hill, and the exceptions of rape and incest came to the fore of the discussion.

“This led to a debate within the [pro-life] movement about whether or not it would damage the underlying presupposition that all life is sacred and should be protected as an inalienable right,” notes Dan Becker.

In a radical departure, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, the National Right to Life Committee, and other leading pro-life organizations signed off on the changes and created a “new normal” of what it means to be pro-life — that a politician or other operative in the political arena can support the murder of one category of children and still be deemed “pro-life.”

Looking back on this titanic sea-change, Becker notes the fall-out that resulted: “By abandoning the basic Christian premise of imago Dei, we invited a pragmatism based on natural law. We compromised and capitulated to the point in the pro-life movement where it became ineffectual—both politically and as a preservative agent as salt.”

Becker explains the folly of the rape and incest exception according to God’s law, a principle long recognized in English common law:

Deuteronomy 24:16 says that a child shall not be put to death for the crimes of its father. That means that if a rapist commits an act of violence against a woman, and she conceives, we [must] protect that child, and we [must] advocate that that child should not pay the penalty for its father’s sin.

In assenting to the Hyde Amendment exceptions, a Pandora’s box of compromise was opened. From it came a broader unbiblical strategy that included support of parental notification laws, 24-hour waiting periods, and various other legislation that conceded the premise of the debate.

Pro-lifers were now supporting bills which said in so many words, “You can kill your child, so long as your parents approve; you can kill your child, so long as you wait 24 hours before the knife falls.”

Incrementalism: The Good and the Bad

Many critical of such compromises don’t suggest that incrementalism in the fight for of life is wrong in all cases, but that incrementalism should only be pursued when the core principles of the sanctity of all human life are maintained, not undermined.

Doug Phillips remarks: “If we can pass pro-life laws that don’t ratify the foundation of abortion’s ‘lawfulness,’ or reinforce the wickedness of abortion as a practice, this is something worth pursuing.”

Dan Becker notes that creating tension over competing legal precedents has warrant when done on the right terms: “You can identify a class of human life that you can protect, as long as you don’t name a physical class that you won’t protect, and therefore become complicit.”

In considering positive examples of incrementalism, Dr. Grant commends William Wilberforce for consideration: “When you look at the incrementalism strategies of someone like a Wilberforce . . . the incrementalism reforms were never couched in such a way as to concede the original premise.”

Grant also highlights the wrong approach to incrementalism that officials in Amsterdam took in response to prostitution, “They said we are not going to be able to ban prostitution, so we’ll isolate it and stigmatize it. So what happens then is that it becomes a tourist attraction. You can’t concede the premise of an opponent’s argument.”

Phillips warns of the danger of so-called “victories” that concede the foundation:

The idea that we are accomplishing a victory by ratifying the execution of children on the condition that the mother or father of the baby have sort of warning of the emotional or psychological effect that may occur if they murder their child, or that a cancerous effect may result — that it’s okay to kill as long as we “notify” — is simply horrific. It’s an ethical nightmare which reinforces the very thing we are fighting against.

Score-Card Gamesmanship: 
Pro-Death is the New Pro-Life

A prominent feature of the compromised political strategy employed by Evangelical pro-life groups is how they have score-carded candidates on the issues.

The National Right to Life Committee has been particularly notorious in this regard. The NRLC, for example, endorsed Republican presidential candidates Sen. John McCain and Gov. Mitt Romney as “pro-life” when their past track records as well as contemporary statements provided no defensible basis for such recognition. Both McCain and Romney have consistently supported the murder of children conceived by rape and incest, and have vocally advocated weakening the Republican Party Platform on abortion, among other troubling actions on their part that have threatened the sanctity of life.

But it’s not just presidential races where National Right to Life has gone askew. Last year, the NRLC got well-deserved blowback from the Boston Globe when they spent $45,000 sending out mailers in support of Sen. Scott Brown, who openly supports legalized abortion.

Globe columnist Yvonne Abraham leveled the boom on NRLC: “Even though Brown has been loudly proclaiming that he favors abortion rights, the antiabortion group gave him a 100 percent rating in his first year as a senator, and an 80 percent rating in his second. And it continues to shower him with paper roses.”[1]

The flier that the NRLC mailed in support of Sen. Brown showed a picture of a fetus, a little baby, and an older woman. The flier’s headline was hardly subtle: “It’s time to take America back. . . for LIFE!”[2]

When confronted on this hypocrisy, David O’Steen, executive director of the National Right to Life, admitted that the NRLC sometime supports candidates who favor legalized abortion.

“He is pro-choice,” O’Steen stated. But “if you look at the two candidates, Elizabeth Warren’s position is very extreme. She can only be characterized as pro-abortion.”[3]

Dr. George Grant comments on this trend which he has observed for more than two decades.

The reality is that Al Gore was never pro-life. When he was a [U.S.] rep and then a Senator [from Tennessee], he was never the pro-life, southern Conservative he was made out to be,” who then “converted” to become pro-choice when he was tagged to run as Bill Clinton’s running mate in 1992.

“It was the silly scorecards that took such a shallow representations of [Gore’s] voting record and declared him to be pro-life,” remarks Grant. “But he was always . . . rooted in Bismarkian, Nietzschean, real politick.”

The way a policy group scores candidates reveals their priorities, Grant maintains.

“Most scorecards emerge from institutions that have agendas, and the scorecards usually say more about the agenda of the organization than the candidates themselves,” he notes. “The onus is on pastors to inform their congregations that this is the case.”

This said, Grant does see some value in scorecards, but encourages them to be used only as a first to step getting an education about a particular candidate or candidates, as they have inherent limitations.“There are always hazards to any kind of shorthand, any kind of abbreviated declaration.”

Doug Phillips argues that policy groups should stop misleading others about candidates’ positions when life is at stake and simply tell the truth. “What we need to be saying is not, ‘This candidate is pro-life with exceptions; but this candidate is pro-death with exceptions. This person believes that it’s okay to kill some babies, but not all of them.’”

Appealing to the fundamentals, Phillips offers this as the benchmark in endorsing candidates for public office:

We should never support a candidate who supports the murder of any children through abortion. And until our candidates know that, they are going to keep saying and doing only as much as they have to in order to appease us.

Back on Track: 
Saving the 100, Not Just the 99

Despite negative trends among various leading pro-life groups, the leadership of a number of state organizations has openly repented of past compromise and purposed to return to biblical foundations and definitions in the battle for human life.

Among them is Georgia Right to Life who, in the year 2000, jettisoned the “rape and incest exception” as an acceptable “pro-life” position and has self-consciously sought to return the national debate back to the foundational argument of “personhood” that was a main focus of the pro-life movement prior to the Hyde Amendment compromise.

Tennessee and Alabama’s pro-life groups have followed suit in rejecting “rape and incest exception” in their candidate endorsement policy.

Dan Becker, who is the current president of Georgia Right to Life, notes the blessing that has occurred since GRL made this change twelve years ago.

“Georgia is the only state in the nation where all nine statewide offices that are elected by the voters statewide are pro-life without exception,” he observes. “We have gone from the 50th most protected state in the nation to the 9th.”

Becker adds this salvo: “No longer do we say, ‘We’re going to save the 99 and pray for the 1.’ We’re going to save all 100.”

While GRL’s position is not without major detractors in the movement, Becker is positive about the opportunities that their stand for principle has opened up for them.

“We are impacting the movement in ways that are exciting, new, and effective,” he remarks. “I’ve [now] been tasked to implement the Georgia model in other states. The [fight for personhood] is the new paradigm of pro-life activity for the 21st Century.”

Personhood Is the Battle: 
The Challenges that Lie Ahead

Becker’s insistence that “personhood” return to the center of the debate is based squarely on principle — yet it also anticipates the future horrors on the horizon that will come if this standard is not thoroughly defended and upheld. And the battleground, Becker maintains, is far broader than simply abortion.

“Because we’ve only been anti-abortion — instead of thoroughly defending the doctrine of imago Dei [in all that it entails] — we are only operating on one cylinder, while the culture is running on twelve cylinders,” Becker notes.

He then explains the implications:

We have ceded a lot of battleground in the emerging technologies and on the issue of personhood for the elderly. Because of the burgeoning [aging Baby Boomers], we will see the fight for personhood become increasing important for the elderly, as their personhood is denied through rationed healthcare decisions that define who is protected under the law and who is not.

Great challenges already exist in the field of genetics, as arguments for trans-humanism are being advanced by medical practitioners and ethicists who deny that man is created in God’s image with certain inherent limitations that he, as a creature, is not free to manipulate.

“’When are we human?’ is being debated — what is a human being? — the definition is up for grabs right now,” remarks Becker. “What if we’re okay with trans-genic animal/human hybrids, and we start tinkering with that in our law to allow for it?”

He also comments on the popularity of Spiderman, the Hulk, Ironman, etc. and states that the genetic-manipulation and “enhancements” of these Comic Book icons so popular on the big screen reflect part of a real, raging debate in academia that is hardly fiction.

As complicated and thorny as all of this is, Becker argues that the answer at its core is really quite simple.

“It’s the doctrine of imago Dei,” he says. “As a culture and as a political system . . . [we must call on all] to recognize what God has already granted — an inalienable right to life based on the doctrinal teaching we have understood that has shaped Western history two or three times over the last two thousand years.”

A Blueprint for Victory: 
Humble Repentance for Our Sins

The last forty years have been one of horror and bloodshed for the unborn.

The question now is: Where do we go from here?

Dr. George Grant asserts that the Evangelical Church must begin by getting its priorities straight.

Commenting on the recent Newtown massacre, he laments, “More Christians are concerned that their Second Amendment gun rights are being taken away than seeing the inconsistencies in this rhetoric, given the murder today of 3,300 children, and tomorrow of 3,300 children, and the next day of 3,300 children.”

Jim Zes emphasizes the need for the Church to not only focus on missions of mercy, such as crisis pregnancies centers and adoption — both of which play an important role in Christian outreach — but for the Church to reclaim its prophetic voice and, once again, call good, “good” and evil “evil” and to confront the culture courageously.

Zes says we must affirm God’s law as the standard as part of a clear Gospel message of repentance and hope.

Dr. Grant agrees with this assessment, but says our voice of confrontation to the culture should only sound once we as the Church confess our own sins and repent. “The need in our day is to not so much practice Jeremiads, but Nehemiads.”

He then explains the quandary. “There’s much to lament; there’s much to critique in our culture,” he confesses. “[Y]et the Church is in no position to give our culture Jeremiads because we are so compromised. We can’t give Jeremiads of substance because we are guilty of virtually anything we might lament.”

Our first step, Grant asserts, is for Christians “to come to the ruin and cry out to Almighty God in all humility, as Nehemiah does in Nehemiah 1, and get busy with the hard work of cleaning up the rubble.”

Grant’s main point is this: We can’t take our axe to the culture’s idols until we’ve cleaned up our own house.

Doug Phillips offers these sobering words in closing the discussion: “How can we possibly expect to win the battle for life when we are killing our own children in the womb through abortifacient contraception-when we’re refusing to take an uncompromising stand for all of life?”

Hosea’s pointed words are timely for today’s wayward Church:

Come, and let us return unto the LORD: for he hath torn, and he will heal us; he hath smitten, and he will bind us up. . . . Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the LORD: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.” (Hosea 6:1-3)

As we battle for the sanctity of all human life, we as the Church must forsake our wickedness, fall on our face in humility, and repent.

Only then should we expect God’s favor on our land.

[1] Yvonne Abraham, “Senator Brown trying to have it both ways,” Boston Globe, October 28, 2012.
[2] Noah Bierman, “Antiabortion group sends out mailers for Scott Brown, who favors legalized abortion,” Boston Globe, October 25, 2012.
[3] Ibid.


Perspective Post Feminism (Poem of Gratitude)

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I am a wife

I am married to an amazing man

Who loves me

Selflessly, unconditionally, undeniably

I am blessed among women

To have been created for, and chosen by him


I am a mother

There are many who call me Mom

Some, born of my body

Some, eternally grafted to my heart

I am blessed among women to have been trusted by God

To leave His fingerprint branded in the threads of their lives


I am my father’s daughter

I witnessed the strength of God in his commitment

To provide for and protect our family

He did his best,  he stayed…breaking generational cycles

14 years after he passed on

It remains a blessing to have loved and been loved by him



I am my mother’s child

I see more and more of her in the mirror every day

No matter what I do I seem to hear and see

More of her in me as time goes by

Her smile, her laugh, her facial expressions…

Her dreams, her grief all passed on to me

The older I get, the more I appreciate an value this woman.

The more things I understand  


I am a woman who loves the Lord

The greatest joys in my life are wrapped in my obedience to Him

In my relationship to Him, in my response to his grace towards me

Adopted by him, but his before time began

His will is what my heart cries out for

It is his presence that my very soul adores

It is only Him the I live and breath for


I am a wife, I am a mother

I am a daughter

I am a woman who loves the Lord

What more do I need to become, prove, or do

It’s over! I’m free! I will never sacrifice any one of these

Just to win the approval of you?

When Daddy Died….

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Photo Album2 025The night that my father died is a night that can never be erased from my mind. I was pregnant with my youngest son, and my parents and a portion of our family had traveled to Florida for a family reunion. I was so sad that, due to the high risk status of my pregnancy, I was unable to travel. When they returned I couldn’t wait to see them, so Ukali and I took the kids and rushed over when he got home from work. Everything appeared normal…my dad was in his man cave relaxing for most of the time we were visiting so we all visited him there. The kids were extremely excited to see Papa and Granny after not seeing them for a week, but their excitement could not compare to, or surpass, mine. At 25 years old I loved my parents and simply put, I adored that old man. And my heart-felt better now that both my parents had returned safely. Before leaving, daddy reminded me that he was on vacation the following week and would get the kids for the annual sleepover/cookout/inflatable pool party.  I laugh as I remember that man and those kids. At the time there were only 5 of them and Papa had begun this tradition when there were 2. Needless to say he frequently called in a few of my uncles for reinforcements. But this was his time with them and he looked forward to it and so did they. He reminded me of this before I went home that night. And I told him that if he came to get us in the morning,(I was on bedrest and not allowed to drive) me and the little people would come and cook breakfast for him. That put a smile on his face. Me cooking for him was our thing. Now he was more than capable of cooking, but I knew he loved to be served that way…and he knew that I loved him! My parents had returned safely and all was well with the world, until the phone rang sometime after 10:30pm and I heard my younger sisters voice on the other end standing on the border of hysteria and insanity…something was wrong with Daddy…the ambulance was there…get here quick…Selena, this isn’t good…. I had no idea a pregnant body could move so quickly! This was the beginning of July in 1998 and it was hot! A tank top and underwear is what I was sleeping in and had it not been for my sweetie, that’s what I would have run out of the house in. I forgot in one moment about doctors restrictions of bedrest and no driving…I just needed to get there! Ukali made sure I had shorts, a t-shirt and flip-flops on, and I made that long dreadful drive around the corner…literally…my parents just lived around the corner…but that night it felt like they were miles away… and in the 2 minutes it took me to get there I prayed to God more than I had ever prayed in my life…”Please Lord, don’t take my daddy from me….” When they brought him downstairs on the gurney his body was still…I wanted to speak to him but wasn’t allowed to get close. My mom was silent…in her heart she already knew. We moved out to the front yard as they brought him out..he was breathing but barely…my mother, my older sister and brother-in-law, my younger sister, and I, along with neighbors, an aunt, and a close friend of my moms all stood and  watched him be placed in the ambulance…and I PRAYED!!! “Lord, if you love me, don’t take my daddy from me!!!!!”  We were met at the hospital by all of my fathers siblings that were still in the area…did I tell you that he was one of 18? We were all there together when the young doctor came to tell us 2 hours later, that he had done all he knew how to do… At 46 years old, my daddy was gone…he was never coming back…I lost consciousness and later came to in a wheelchair…and I found myself …lost…I didnt know before then that crying could occur even when you weren’t aware it was going on…hot tears would not stop falling…my thoughts were jumbled…I remember calling Ukali, who was home with the kids, and calling Mark and Lois (good friends of ours)…I felt like someone had strapped 100 grenades to my chest and pulled all of the pins at the same time…nothing was right…everything was wrong…and God was nowhere to be found???? But God was there. Even though He didn’t prove it by allowing my father to live, and responding like a genie in a bottle and not the Creator of the Universe. He was there then, and has been here through the years…

I share all of this with you because last night I learned that a friend who I have known since middle school, graduated high school with , and roomed with in college,  has suffered the same loss. She and her 4 siblings lost their father to a heart attack suddenly.  Their mother is now a widow, and the father who has provided for and protected them their entire lives is resting in the arms of the Lord.  While I have the advantage of looking back 14 years and knowing that God not only never left me, but he held me tighter than my numb mind could comprehend, and strengthened us more in those early days and years following daddy’s death than any of us realized, my dear friend and her family are currently in the thick of it!!! Their entire world is turning upside down and potentially out of control.  The death of a parent, I am thoroughly convinced is a pain only kindred to the death of a child or the passing of a spouse.  Our beginning…our existence is tightly woven and the existence of us cannot be separated from the other person! I am the combination of my mother and father.  If my mother or my father were someone else, I would never have existed as I am…I would be a different person…literally! But I am not someone else…I am the result of the coming together of this man and this woman and without the two of them I am not me…so without them…one or both…who am I?????  I really went through a season following daddy’s death where I had to discover who I was without him, because who I was with him and around him could no longer be…Talk about difficult beyond my understanding!!! I had never had to discover who God was without my father being there as a buffer for me. My identity in Christ remained a mystery…But thank God for His grace and compassion on me!!! During those dark days, not only was the Lord my very present help in the time of trouble, he was patient with me as I questioned Him!!! He was kind to me in my anger!!! He was gracious in my struggle to forgive…and He came into my darkness and took me by the hand…and He led me out!!! I am also blessed to have known that I needed His strength…to have understood that if I did not lean and depend on Jesus I would be lost forever. 14 years ago my family lived through the worst night of our lives together thus far…we lived through the night this family just experienced. Today we pray for God’s grace and compassion to envelop this family!!! We pray for God’s presence, His patience, His kindness for this family!! We pray for the Lords hand to take their hands in this darkness, and gently lead them out!!! I am a witness that He is able!!  14 years later we are healed and being healed…we still miss that man terribly…but Gods light continues to light up the darkness!!


Dedicated to Michele, Monica, Melissa, Megan, Meredith, Michael…your husbands and children and extended family. You all will remain in my prayers!!

Withholding My Heart (I Love You But…)

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“I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity. “1 TImothy 2:1-2  

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.  As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:21-24

As I prepare my heart to wind down the week of sharing my story with all of you, I wanted to shift focus a little early… These verses struck me this morning (like all of God’s word does :D) and I thought to myself (again) how much of God’s word we seem to compartmentalize, or ignore if we do not agree with it. There’s so much of it that we do read and that we choose to apply to every relationship we are engaged in except for our marital one.  With this in mind, take some time to sit quietly and look over the image below…ask yourself the questions that follow…and be very honest with your answers. I believe they will help you to see what’s really in your heart.

1. When you pray, do you pray for your husband?  Do you ask God to help him…do you intercede on his behalf, and give thanks for him. and for your marriage, not because you always want to but because God’s Word tells you to?

2. Do you view your husband as someone with God-given authority over you, as Ephesians 5 tells us, and do you pray for him as one who is in authority so that you can live a peaceful and quiet life marked by godliness and dignity? Or do you find yoursel withholding your prayers because you view yourself as one who has authority over him?

3.Think about the relationships you have with people who you work, exercise and attend church with.  Are you more respectful towards the men in these circles than you are towards your own husband? Why do you think that is?

4. Now, think of other men that you interact with on a regular/semi-regular basis. When you think of them in comparison to your husband, are your thoughts towards them more favorable? Does your husband pale in comparison to these other men?  Do they appear to be more….than he is?  Keeping in mind that you don’t live with them, what is it that you think they’ve done that deserves your admiration and appreciation more than your husband does?

5. Are there things that your husband has done, or hasn’t done, that you have not yet forgiven him for? How do you think that unforgiveness impacts the way you respond to him or what you think about him, or what you think about him in your heart?

6.  Have the tenderness and the displays of affection towards your husband diminished in their passion, intensity and frequency over the years? Why do you think that is?

7. Do you have emotional needs that you expect your husband to meet that he has not met?

8. Did you have an idea or a dream of what your marriage would be like and are disappointed at what it actually is?

9. Do you struggle submitting to your husband?

10. Do you struggle submitting to God?

Whew! Those questions have the potential to be life-changing if you let them. Take some time to look up the verses in the picture above, and when you pray, begin to read those verses as part of the time you spend with the Lord.   Romans 12:2 says, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”  Did you hear that??? God can change you into a new person by CHANGING THE WAY YOU THINK!!!! Now, I know that some don’t think they have any problems and all of the issues in their marriage are their spouses fault, but God knows the truth. Then there are others of us who know that we are negatively impacting our marriages and desire to submit to God and allow Him to give us direction. He will do just that!! When he changes the way you think, you will be able to learn his will for you, and you will have no questions about what’s good, and pleasing and perfect 😀

Alright! I’m going to say goodnight and actually get some sleep.  When I get up, I am going to spend some time with the Lord in prayer, and looking up those verses in his Word.  I truly hope you join me! Let’s submit our hearts together, and finally experience a marriage BETTER than the ones we dreamed of!

I was a terrible wife! Really, I was…

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It breaks my heart to think that during the earlier years of my marriage my husband may have felt like this at times.  While I don’t like to look back and think of myself as particularly ‘quarrelsome’, I was definitely a handful…and a mouthful…a ‘pistol’ if you will…at times.   While I have a great memory for details, I don’t always want to remember the details of things I’ve done or said that were not pleasant, or that did not paint me in a good light.  And my demeanor or attitude during those early years are definitely best forgotten if I want to view myself as the perpetual good, husband respecting and God honoring wife.  But my memory works well in all areas! And that means that I remember myself in the light of truth.  While my husband is not perfect, he has been consistent in his display of patience and kindness towards me, at times doing so in the face of my anger and rage.  I was young…and headstrong…and feminist…and foolish…and today and everyday I thank God that I am forgiven.  While I was not an absolutely horrid wife, meaning I did laundry and cleaned and cooked and made the beds and …etc, I was not forgiving, or patient, or gentle, or kind if things did not go my way! I was a brat!!!! And he loved me….and he waited for me to grow up…and he grew up with me! 😀 And he understood, as I came to understand, that my heart had not truly submitted to God and His will for my life, and that I was taking that out on him.  My desire, since I committed my life to Christ at the age of 16, has always been to live a life that was pleasing to the Lord.  My fear since that time, has always been that I will fail.  I have struggled for 23 years to become the woman He created me to be, even if I did not agree with Him.  That’s why it was a struggle. Because I did not agree! And while I loved my husband from the beginning, at least based on the way that my 21-year-old mind perceived love, I had other plans for my life…and they were interrupted…and I was angry… But I didn’t really notice for a long time that I was taking it out on him. Now, I know the title of this post is “I was a Terrible wife”, and I was quite often, but my heart was to be a godly one….and it still is.  But this was not natural for me. Again, I had the physical skills, but I’ve had to learn to develop the heart…and before I could develop a true heart for my husband, I had to develop a true heart for God, and a willingness to accept His will for my life.

I was a closet, unconfessed, unacknowledged feminist, and my feminist heart was at war with a desire to serve God within those standards.  I wanted to love, honor, and respect  my husband, but had unknowingly embraced the culture that taught that men were weak and not worthy of respect. I wanted to genuinely appreciate him and his endeavors to provide for our growing family, but I had subconsciously bought into the false teaching that, as a woman, I was complete all by myself, and did not need a man to do anything for me.  I said I loved him, but I treated him with disdain at times, and my far-reaching vocabulary was used to do what my hands could not. I looked good on the outside, but inside was the heart of a woman who had no idea how to become anything other than what I was.  While my wonderful husband insists that I was not that bad, I can’t give myself a break on this.  I do not want to paint a picture of myself with an ethereal glow around the fringes and a halo above my head, and I don’t want you to do that either.  Self-evaluation is a wonderful thing. And if we are believers, it is a necessary thing:

Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves.

Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you ; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith.

2 Corinthians 13:5

Knowing that our marital relationships are to mirror the relationship Christ has with his church, how much more does this apply to our marriages than just to our Christian conduct in our church circles?  The result of an ultimate decision to truly cultivate the heart of a godly wife, I am no longer a feminist who wears the mask of a Christian wife and mother. I genuinely love, honor and respect my husband, and I do it joyfully.  When talking to young wives caught in a similar struggle to the one I’ve described, I tell them that in this case, the grass really is greener on this side!!! I would not go back to the me I was before I truly submitted to Christ for ‘all the tea in China!” 😀 There is more than freedom, there is abundant life found in loving and being loved the way God designed…and there is genuine joy.  The things I viewed as drudgery before are now looked at with an appreciation.  While this post may not hit the bullseye for everyone, I have full confidence that there are some who will read this today or somewhere down the road, and it will meet you where you are.  I have been blessed with an amazing man to spend the rest of my life with.  He has worked hard for the past 18 years to provide for us, and to make it possible for me to be at home training and educating our children.  When he comes home from work, I take joy (even when I’m tired) in serving him.  I take joy in making sure he has clean underwear and socks …and it breaks my heart when I am behind on any laundry but especially his laundry.  I love cooking for our family and preparing his plate for dinner (we actually compete on this one :D), and bringing it to him as he sits and unwinds while talking to the kids.  But guess what? He looks for ways to serve me as well…and we do it joyfully!!!!!  We didn’t start out this way.  We were two selfish kids having kids when we got married (I truly believe I was far worse).  But God is faithful, and He met our desire to have a marriage that honored Him by empowering us to deny ourselves and pursue righteousness.  The Lord also knew that I was desperate not to pass these perspectives to my daughters.  The end result, is that we love God more than we do each other. Our primary goal is to please the Lord in everything we do and say, and that begins with how we love and treat each other.  Do we have bad days? Yes! Are there times we just want to scream?? Absolutely! But we’ve learned to be gracious, and compassionate and kind……and very, very, VERY forgiving!

Were you born in the wake of the feminist movement AND post Roe v. Wade like I am?  Did you find it difficult to get rid of the ideologies and mindsets once you came to Christ or were married? Have you struggled in some of the same areas I described here?  Well, of course, by now you know you’re not alone.  Feel free to leave a comment and let me know some parts of your personal journey. The Conversation of the Month is SUBMISSION and we’ll be here everyday 😀 Let’s continue to encourage one another! 😀

The loss of ‘stuff’ draws us closer to The Lord

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I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!

Psalm 116:1-2

It is the end of a long day, and almost the start of a new one, and I am the only one awake. While I desperately need to get some sleep, I enjoy these quiet evenings and the quiet time that I am able to spend reflecting on the day and sharing the goings on of our family and our lives with the Lord.  As I sit here I am reminded of a night much like this one, when we were going through a particularly difficult time as a family.  My husband was the senior pastor of a small inner-city church and had devoted himself full-time to that vocation.  Things were more than a little ‘tight’ financially, and we had made cut-backs every where that we could in order to ensure that our family was provided for as well as the people of God.  We were young…and somewhat naively  (I’m being nice) believed that if we took care of the ‘church’ and all of its responsibilities, that God would miraculously take care of us as well.  And while we weren’t wrong, we weren’t right either.  In our thinking back then, the church that we were taking care of was the building, and it’s utilities first, and then the people who came to worship and fellowship, and their needs. On this particular night, I was awake very late at night, pouring my heart out to the Lord. My car had just been repossessed, and my home was being foreclosed on…and I didn’t understand why…or how.  Oh, I understood that if you don’t pay your bills, this is what happens.  But I didn’t understand that you could truly believe that you were serving the Lord to the best of your ability by the power of His Spirit, and this is what happens. And I was hurt.  Why was God allowing us to suffer loss when our lives were committed to Him? So that night, I prayed…fervently, passionately, tearfully, heart-wrenchingly…and quietly…in a whisper… My kids and my husband were sleeping upstairs and I didn’t want to wake them up.  But I wanted God to hear me!!!! And I cried and prayed and groaned and moaned….and whispered.  Had someone been spying on me, they would have definitely thought I was crazy…but I knew…I knew He would hear me…if I yelled, if I wailed, if I screamed, if I cried…if I whispered…and even if I wrapped my arms around myself and never uttered a sound. I knew the He would know, and more than know, I was confident, even in my loss, that He cared about the things that were hurting me.

As I cried that night, I thought that losing those things was almost more than I could bear.  For some reason, I had bought into the lie that so many have fallen for in today’s church, that ‘stuff’ is the sign that the Lord loves you and has received you as His own.  I wasn’t hurt because of the house and the car.  I was hurt because of what I believed they represented…and because of what I believed losing them meant. I was hurt because I erroneously believed that God had withdrawn His blessings from my family, and He had done it publicly. I shake my head as I look back on that time.  Understand, God had not withdrawn His Spirit.  We had only lost a house…and a car.  That’s all.  But the joy comes in as I look back because even though I grieved the loss of these material, replaceable things, God still listened to my prayers!!!! He still comforted me as I lamented and moaned because I didn’t understand.  He still walked with us when other pastors treated us as if loss was contagious…as rumors started and it was said we must have sinned against the Lord to suffer loss ike that.  God, who knows our beginning from our end, never wavered.  He never closed his ears to our prayers.  But as our patient father, He comforted us, and let us cry.  When I was all cried out, then I was able to find peace in His word.  I was lovingly reminded that material things are not the sign of His acceptance, but it is His Holy Spirit.  We had suffered the loss of things that could be replaced…and we grieved…I grieved…but God remained Faithful…even though our perspective was wrong and immature…He remained patient.  And he knew something we didn’t know yet; He knew we would learn from this.  He knew that we would come out of that situation better people…more committed believers…more compassionate servants…more humble children…He knew. And He waited.  And that night, like so many others, He wiped my tears…And I grew up.

If you have gone through difficult times and experienced the loss of some of the material things that we amass on this earth, know that God’s plan for your life is bigger than a house.  It’s bigger than a car.  It’s bigger than a job. his plan in your life is to work in such a way that everything that we have placed before him in our hearts or minds is brought down. His plan is to bring all of us to a place where when we look up, we see only Him.  He truly desires to be the object of our affection…the One who we adore.  Things are just that…things.  And there is no thing that you have right now that can’t be replace.  But the presence of God…the joy and peace that is only found when we are in right relationship with Him…if we were to lose that, then we would have reason to grieve.

I haven’t sat up late at night and cried to the Lord for the things I have lost in a long time.  Not because I haven’t lost anything since then, but because my perspective had changed through my losses.  I have learned that God is Faithful! And that everything that we go through, every loss that we suffer, is an opportunity to thank Him and show gratitude for what we have and for the person we are becoming as a result of that trial.

When I look back, every loss in my life has drawn me closer and closer to the Lord.  I encourage you to allow your losses to do the same.  Decide to outlaw bitterness and anger from your heart.  Those evils only make your ‘growing up’ take longer.  In other words, they are growth retardants in your life.  Instead choose joy…choose peace.  And let God be God.  He truly knows what He’s doing in you.  When you sit quietly to talk to Him, thank Him for every loss. As we lose our grip on the things of this world, we gain a firmer grip on the things that matter to Him most. Find rest in Him no matter what you are going through.  His goodness in our lives isn’t dependant on what we have, but on who He is.