I was a terrible wife! Really, I was…

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It breaks my heart to think that during the earlier years of my marriage my husband may have felt like this at times.  While I don’t like to look back and think of myself as particularly ‘quarrelsome’, I was definitely a handful…and a mouthful…a ‘pistol’ if you will…at times.   While I have a great memory for details, I don’t always want to remember the details of things I’ve done or said that were not pleasant, or that did not paint me in a good light.  And my demeanor or attitude during those early years are definitely best forgotten if I want to view myself as the perpetual good, husband respecting and God honoring wife.  But my memory works well in all areas! And that means that I remember myself in the light of truth.  While my husband is not perfect, he has been consistent in his display of patience and kindness towards me, at times doing so in the face of my anger and rage.  I was young…and headstrong…and feminist…and foolish…and today and everyday I thank God that I am forgiven.  While I was not an absolutely horrid wife, meaning I did laundry and cleaned and cooked and made the beds and …etc, I was not forgiving, or patient, or gentle, or kind if things did not go my way! I was a brat!!!! And he loved me….and he waited for me to grow up…and he grew up with me! 😀 And he understood, as I came to understand, that my heart had not truly submitted to God and His will for my life, and that I was taking that out on him.  My desire, since I committed my life to Christ at the age of 16, has always been to live a life that was pleasing to the Lord.  My fear since that time, has always been that I will fail.  I have struggled for 23 years to become the woman He created me to be, even if I did not agree with Him.  That’s why it was a struggle. Because I did not agree! And while I loved my husband from the beginning, at least based on the way that my 21-year-old mind perceived love, I had other plans for my life…and they were interrupted…and I was angry… But I didn’t really notice for a long time that I was taking it out on him. Now, I know the title of this post is “I was a Terrible wife”, and I was quite often, but my heart was to be a godly one….and it still is.  But this was not natural for me. Again, I had the physical skills, but I’ve had to learn to develop the heart…and before I could develop a true heart for my husband, I had to develop a true heart for God, and a willingness to accept His will for my life.

I was a closet, unconfessed, unacknowledged feminist, and my feminist heart was at war with a desire to serve God within those standards.  I wanted to love, honor, and respect  my husband, but had unknowingly embraced the culture that taught that men were weak and not worthy of respect. I wanted to genuinely appreciate him and his endeavors to provide for our growing family, but I had subconsciously bought into the false teaching that, as a woman, I was complete all by myself, and did not need a man to do anything for me.  I said I loved him, but I treated him with disdain at times, and my far-reaching vocabulary was used to do what my hands could not. I looked good on the outside, but inside was the heart of a woman who had no idea how to become anything other than what I was.  While my wonderful husband insists that I was not that bad, I can’t give myself a break on this.  I do not want to paint a picture of myself with an ethereal glow around the fringes and a halo above my head, and I don’t want you to do that either.  Self-evaluation is a wonderful thing. And if we are believers, it is a necessary thing:

Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves.

Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you ; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith.

2 Corinthians 13:5

Knowing that our marital relationships are to mirror the relationship Christ has with his church, how much more does this apply to our marriages than just to our Christian conduct in our church circles?  The result of an ultimate decision to truly cultivate the heart of a godly wife, I am no longer a feminist who wears the mask of a Christian wife and mother. I genuinely love, honor and respect my husband, and I do it joyfully.  When talking to young wives caught in a similar struggle to the one I’ve described, I tell them that in this case, the grass really is greener on this side!!! I would not go back to the me I was before I truly submitted to Christ for ‘all the tea in China!” 😀 There is more than freedom, there is abundant life found in loving and being loved the way God designed…and there is genuine joy.  The things I viewed as drudgery before are now looked at with an appreciation.  While this post may not hit the bullseye for everyone, I have full confidence that there are some who will read this today or somewhere down the road, and it will meet you where you are.  I have been blessed with an amazing man to spend the rest of my life with.  He has worked hard for the past 18 years to provide for us, and to make it possible for me to be at home training and educating our children.  When he comes home from work, I take joy (even when I’m tired) in serving him.  I take joy in making sure he has clean underwear and socks …and it breaks my heart when I am behind on any laundry but especially his laundry.  I love cooking for our family and preparing his plate for dinner (we actually compete on this one :D), and bringing it to him as he sits and unwinds while talking to the kids.  But guess what? He looks for ways to serve me as well…and we do it joyfully!!!!!  We didn’t start out this way.  We were two selfish kids having kids when we got married (I truly believe I was far worse).  But God is faithful, and He met our desire to have a marriage that honored Him by empowering us to deny ourselves and pursue righteousness.  The Lord also knew that I was desperate not to pass these perspectives to my daughters.  The end result, is that we love God more than we do each other. Our primary goal is to please the Lord in everything we do and say, and that begins with how we love and treat each other.  Do we have bad days? Yes! Are there times we just want to scream?? Absolutely! But we’ve learned to be gracious, and compassionate and kind……and very, very, VERY forgiving!

Were you born in the wake of the feminist movement AND post Roe v. Wade like I am?  Did you find it difficult to get rid of the ideologies and mindsets once you came to Christ or were married? Have you struggled in some of the same areas I described here?  Well, of course, by now you know you’re not alone.  Feel free to leave a comment and let me know some parts of your personal journey. The Conversation of the Month is SUBMISSION and we’ll be here everyday 😀 Let’s continue to encourage one another! 😀


Submission: A Perspective on God’s Love For Us

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“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.”

Ephesians 5:21-30

How many of us have ever actually thought of our husbands as THE greatest gift, outside of salvation, that the Lord in his providence saw fit to bless us with? I am sure that a lot of us don’t think of them that way, because if we did,we would treat them better than we do.  Look at the way we treat gifts that we place a high value on; we package them with bubble wrap, or foam to ensure that they don’t get broken, or we put them away in a protected place where our children and any other potentially harmful elements can’t get a hold of them. When they get dirty or dusty we don’t display them to the world in that state, but we polish or wash them clean before we put them on display…and if they are injured, broken in a place, or cracked, we turn that part away from the gaze of any onlookers, so that in the eyes of others their value will not be diminished.  We love and take care of our gifts, and we want everyone to know what our thoughts are about them…who gave them to us…how much they cost…and how heartbroken we would be if something happened to them.  We communicate all of this, sometimes, without saying a word.  But what do our lives and attitudes…and even our words, communicate about the gift…the prize that God gave us to demonstrate to us how much he loved us? It breaks my heart when I hear women destroying their husbands, their gift, with their words.  It breaks my heart when I see women treat their husbands coldly or indifferently, because he had the audacity not to follow one of her commands, or to do things other than the way she suggested.  It breaks my heart to see the pain and humiliation in a mans eyes, masked by a laugh or a smile, after his wife has shared a story that communicates how vast his baffoon skills have become.  It breaks my heart to see the look on a mans face when he has been cut off at the knees, in front of family, his children, or in the company of friends, by the words of the woman chosen by him to be his helper. It breaks my heart when I see how the relationship changes when Adam realizes that his helper has helped to cause him more pain and despair than he ever imagined possible… even to the point of negatively impacting his relationship with his father…Does it break your heart????

And I know ladies…I know…He’s NOT perfect! And he doesn’t treat me the way I should be treated…and he can’t keep a job…and he’s angry all of the time…and he doesn’t spend any time with me…and when he comes home all he ever wants to do is watch sports or hang out with his friends…and I don’t know if I still even love him…or like him… And I think I would have been better off if I had married _________________! And the list goes on!! But guess what? We’re NOT perfect! And we don’t treat him the way he should be treated…and we may not be able to keep a job…and we may be angry all the time…and we may not spend any time with him…and when we are home all we ever want to do is watch our shows, talk to our friends, stay on the computer (facebook)…and they may not know if they still loves us…or likes us…and they may think that they would have been better off married to ____________! ….

That last one hit a nerve I am sure, because we allow ourselves the freedom to think whatever we want to think, but are ready to do a “drive by” if we even think that they are thinking the same things!!! But let’s take a minute and think about something; What if the only way for our marriages to change is for us to change? What if the only way our husbands hearts towards us will change is for us to change our hearts towards them?  And what if the only way for us to change our hearts towards our husbands is for us to change our hearts towards God! And what if the only way for us to change our perspective on God was to open the Book he left on record for us and read the Word of God as opposed to listening to the world and what it say about our marriage?

Genesis chapter 1 tells us that God spoke EVERYTHING into existence except man.  For with Adam God took his time and made (to construct, build, assemble, put together, manufacture, produce, create, form, fashion, model) him! And then from the rib of man he made woman!!! Did you get that??? He spoke EVERYTHING ELSE INTO EXISTENCE but he MADE US WITH HIS VERY OWN HANDS!!!!  And then he gifted us to eachother!!! Adam was God’s greatest creation and made to have genuine fellowship…relationship with the God of the Universe!!! And Eve…. Eve was woman…also hancrafted by God…but made differently than man, because part of her man was used to help make her!!!! She would be unmade without him!!! And ladies, so would we today! Think of it this way; Eve was the FIRST and BEST gift Adam was ever given…given specifically to HELP him live out the lives God had commanded him to live by walking beside him and learning with him, and looking at him with the same wonder that she saw when he looked at her.  We are designed to look ‘up’ to him in honor and respect…to be the reminders always of the man God created…HANDCRAFTED them to be!!!!!! And he is commanded to be the vessel that God would always be able to love us through…. But something went wrong… and the place we just talked about is the place we are constantly fighting to get back to… Adam is raging for battling with Eve because when he looks at her, he no longer sees the respect due him simply by being handcrafted in the image of God. And Eve is crying out in the way she walks, and talks, and dresses…and controls and demands…for Adam to notice…to attend to…to love her the way her creator promised she would always be…. But our starting points are wrong…our perspectives have been skewed by the Fall….  

Submission! I Do….but I Don’t!!!

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I was extremely blessed to have spent Friday afternoon with two beautiful young wives.  Their love for God and desire to live lives that are pleasing to Him were apparent in the sheer amount of energy it took to focus while nursing babies and changing diapers and quieting little ones.  I smiled to myself as I remembered the early years of my marriage when my children were babies…and small…and loud…and unconcerned with the needs of anyone else on the planet…and my husband was working…and I was fighting valiantly to love God and obey His Word…and I was earnestly trying to learn how and what it meant to love my husband and my children.  During those years I really could have used an older woman or two whose joy it was to walk alongside younger women after the model given to us in Titus 2.

I have been searching my heart in an effort to find my voice on this blog, and I have written about various things.  But the thing that causes my heart to ache is the same thing that caused me to begin this blogging journey, and it’s the same thing that compels me to write today; My heart aches for the women today who are like I was when I got married. I truly desired to honor God and my husband, but I HAD NO IDEA how to do that.  I remember when Ukali and I went to a relative, who is a pastor at a local church, for some premarital advice before the actual ‘I Do’s’, and the relative made the comment that he felt we were very compatible and only foresaw on potential issue.  I braced myself and was prepared for him to say anything other than what he said.  His observed potential issue was…Yep! You guessed it…ME!!!!!…. and the likelihood of me experiencing difficulty and resistance to submitting to my husband’s God-given authority.  Well, needless to say, I was a little more than moderately offended…and afraid that he was right! And guess what? He was!!!!

But guess what else? My story doesn’t end there, and hopefully, neither does yours.  Let’s tell our stories together. During the month of October we will be looking closely at the word SUBMISSION. I will be speaking directly to questions/concerns you have in regards to the Biblical model of submission in marriage.  Take a few minutes and message me your questions, concerns, struggles and victories in this area.  We would love to hear from you.  Submission of questions/comments can begin immediately!! JOIN THE CONVERSATION 😀

Just for fun Fridays! Making Shea Butter Lip Balm for the winter :D

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Seeing that the name of this blog is Joyfully Submitted, I thought it might be a good idea to post some of the joyful things about our life.  My usual posts deal with issues of submission to God and to our husbands.  But my heart with this blog is to paint or draw a picture of what our lives could be if we simply choose to let go of the ideologies of the world, turn a deaf ear to feminism as well as resist all of its temptations, and find our joy…our rest…our peace and purpose and promise, in embracing the life God designed for us with soft, engaging, educating, inspiring, definitively feminine hearts.  Having lived a large part of my life with a feminist heart and mindset, let me tell you that the grass really is greener over here!!! Now, that is not to say that submission and change are easy, or that the things I do, or will share on Fridays are a mandate from God for you to do. They are simply things I am learning to do for fun with my girls…and sometimes with the boys too :D, and things that as women, some of us have believed are beneath us or are menial and unimportant.  Well ladies, my aspirations of power suits and heels have been JOYFULLY exchanged for socks and an apron!!!  And I love my life and want to share that love with you! So from here on out, Fridays are dedicated to FREE, FRILLY, FANTASTIC, FEMININE FUN FUN FUN!!!!

Let me just say that everything we do is not planned, and a lot of what we plan does NOT go according to plan :D! This is our life.  And we embrace it! And I work hard not to be in control of it… Ok! Being really honest…I work hard…to JUST HAVE FUN!!! 😀 I tend to be a lot more serious than Ukali and the kids!!! They definitely get their sense of humor from their father 😀 But over the years I have to say that fun is better, and so much more rewarding than stern and controlling.  So we have a lot more fun, we do a lot more things spontaneously.  Some things, like todays post, are the result of a spontaneous act.  I’ve always wanted to make my own lip balm, and I’ve always wanted to teach the girl to make their own everything, so this morning was one of those unplanned experiences that we loved. Below are the steps in our basic Shea Butter Lip Balm that the boys are happily using as we speak! Enjoy!!! So, enjoy your weekend with your loves, and find something to do that is JUST FOR FUN 😀

The Ingredients are… 100% Shea Butter.  We emptied out existing lip balm tubes due to Ukali having a slight reaction to almost every lip balm.  We wanted 100% natural, so decided to make our own 😀


The Shea butter was melted down in a pot and then the liquid was poured into the tubes.  They were then put into te freezer to set faster and when they came out this is what they looked like inside.


So more Shea Butter was added to fill completely, and they were placed into the freezer again to finish 😀


The freezer worked pretty quickly! These set completely in 10 minutes 😀



This is the finished product 😀 We made 3 additional ones so that everyone in the house has their own!!

This was sooooooo simple, and Leah found several other recipes that we can attempt this weekend…JUST FOR FUN!!!  😀

As a woman thinks in her heart…

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“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:7-9

This post is inspired by  a recent post from a ‘friend’ on Facebook.   After the first post, I was struck by  the number of posts that began this way by many women who are considered to be believers, but who display a lack of focus on God, and an overwhelming absorption with the things of the world.  It’s troubling to see so many people consumed with negative events, negative thoughts, and negative people, who, after all of this negative consumption have no apparent idea why they are so miserable.   Life is FULL of things/events that have the capacity to impact us in whatever way we choose to let them.  The most heartbreaking thing was that a lot of these posts had to do with negative comments about men, whether a boyfriend, a husband or an ex… After reading the multiple status updates, I thought it might just be a good idea for us to take a look at some of the negative/positive ways we can choose to let LIFE impact our marriages and our thoughts about our husbands.

First, let’s establish the premise that every day begins as a good day. We wake up, we are alive, we breathe, we move, we see a day that we have never seen before. EVERY day is a brand new start, a FREE do-over. With each new day, each new breath, we are reminded of the great Love that the Lord has for us.

“It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:22-23

Tell me, what events or issues are so powerful that they can take your mind off of the new mercy received just by waking up in the morning?  How would you finish the above statement?  What or who have you given power over your mood?

I was having a good day until…what? Who?

Let’s look at a few examples I’ve seen/heard recently from wives;

I was having a good day until/I was fine until/I was perfectly fine until/…..

he ignored me…

he did what I specifically told him not to do…

he didn’t do what I specifically told him to do…

he wouldn’t admit that I was right and he was wrong…

he walked into the room…

he came to bed before I had a chance to fall asleep…

he forgot …

These thoughts usually progress into or are followed by:

he’s so…

he’s not…

I wish he were more like…

why can’t he be more…

why can’t he do more…

why isn’t he …

oh, what’s the use…

just forget it…

By choosing to focus on or to only look at the negative things our husbands are doing, or the positive things they are not doing, we are actually choosing to give those thoughts control over our mood/attitude, and those thoughts will dictate how we interact with and respond to our husbands. If we are having a good day until one of these thoughts about our husbands comes across our minds, and it’s downhill from there, we need to accept the fact that our husbands lack of’ ‘whatever’,  or their inadequacies are not the problem; our thoughts toward them are. It’s not what they are/are not doing that stresses us out and makes us want to scream, throw things at their heads, run out of the room screaming and pulling our hair out, ‘share’ everything that’s wrong with them with anyone who will listen…cry ourselves to sleep at night, or just give up.  It’s not them or the things they do, but it’s us and how we choose to let it impact us and the response we choose to give.  Have we tried to apply Phillipians 4:7-9 to this area of our marriages? Let’s take a look at what it says, and the actual application.

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

What does it mean to fix your thoughts? Take the words below and substitute ALL of them for the word FIX and read the beginning of this verse again.

fasten, attach, affix, secure,  join, connect, couple, link, install, implant, embed, stick, glue, pin, nail, screw, bolt, clamp, clip, lodge, burned,branded. focus, direct, level, point, train your thoughts on what is…horrible about your husband or lacking, or weak in appearance or void of honor or undeserving of respect? NO!!

fasten, attach, affix, secure,  join, connect, couple, link, install, implant, embed, stick, glue, pin, nail, screw, bolt, clamp, clip, lodge, burned,branded. focus, direct, level, point, train your thoughts on what IS true about your husband…what IS honorable about your husband…what IS right about him…what IS lovely about him…what IS worthy of admiration…what IS excellent and worthy of praise!!  GLUE them there!!! Embed your thoughts about him right ther!!! Pin them! Nail them! Screw and bolt them down in this place!!! Brand them…TRAIN (aim, point, direct, level, focus; zero in) them…

Is everything about him true? Nope! Is everything about him honorable? Maybe not! Is everything about him right? Not Likely! Is everything about him lovely and worthy of admiration? Is everything excellent and worthy of praise??? Is an answer really needed? But Scripture does NOT tell us to think on the things that are NOT these characteristics or attributes…it tells us to think on those things that are!!!!

Ladies, do we realize how important what we choose to think about or focus on is to the success of our marriage?  Do we realize that our refusal to apply Philippians 4 to the MOST IMPORTANT relationship in our lives has devastating, catastrophic impact on our ability to be the helper that our husbands need and deserve?  Do we understand that our stubborn grip on all of his imperfections and shortcomings, coupled with a choice to blame him for our thoughts and take no responsibility for them ourselves, literally paralyzes our marriages and freezes our interactions until we become roommates…just two people who share the bills and responsibility, but have forsaken the joy and love and peace and comfort that was ours by right….Do we realize that by choosing to focus on what/who they are not, we are choosing to ignore what/who they are, and even more importantly , what/who they could become with our love, support and help????

How are you choosing to think about or look at your husband? Does he impact your mood negatively?  Does the sight of him just ruin your day?  Are you fine until he comes around? Do you still see him as the man you loved and chose to spend the rest of your life with? Or has the world and all of its poisonous fruit tainted your vision so that he just looks…ordinary and no longer good enough for you?  Do you withhold affection, intimacy…love…sex…just the pleasure of your smile? I challenge you to begin to look at him through eyes controlled by thoughts that are submitted to the Holy Spirit. Fix your thoughts! Train your mind to think thoughts that are honorable, right, lovely, worthy of admiration, excellent and worthy of praise.  And see how your attitude towards him changes!  Then see how the change in your attitude and thoughts help him to change.  Witness the softening of hearts tht follows the renewing of minds, and the revival of life and love in your marriage.  It really does begin with our thoughts…

I will end with a comment I posted in response to a post on  I hope this helps bring all of this together and shows how important our thoughts towards our husbands really are…

….. Let me first of all PRAISE GOD with you for what the Lord has already done in your heart. Our God is sooooo amazing, and He loves us sooooo much that He put a plan in place before the foundations of the world to save us from ourselves!!!!! How absolutely wonderful is that??!?!?!? As I think about the words you shared, let me just tell you that God is pleased at your desire to submit to not only Him and His will, but also to your husband’s authority. I too was raised in a family that was overrun with a ‘jezebel spirit’. And it is more than a small challenge to break free from that heart/mindset. This is a journey that will require the involvement of your whole heart…”And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart, so they will obey my decrees and regulations. Then they will truly be my people, and I will be their God.” Ezekiel 11:19-20 The ravages of the feminist agenda and the existing feminist culture is that it teaches/trains/disciples us to hold on to that old stony, stubborn heart, and resist Gods loving efforts to give us a tender responsive heart in its place. It’s the tender responsive heart that is now finally able to obey his decrees and regulations…one of which is “In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.” 1 Peter 3:1-2… Eternally Grateful, I humbly encourage you to continue to allow the Lord to work in your heart…this is SUCH a painful process…and it is SUCH a GLORIOUS one!!! As the Lord continues His work in your heart (you know, that open heart surgery you’ve been going through without the aid of anesthesia so that you feel EVERYTHING to the extent that the things you were brought to your knees over you NEVER want to go back to them again)…as He continues to work on your heart You will find that part of the reason you struggle seeing God in your husband is because your husband can’t see God in himself…you are his mirror…Eve was supposed to be Adams helper…his reminder of all the love God held in his heart towards him…but she lead her husbands heat away from the Lord and now not only did he lose sight of who he was, but she did too…You are his reminder…begin to pray for God to give you his eyes, and when He shows you your husband as he was created to be, and you begin to look at him through Gods eyes, he will begin to look back at you with wonder, and his heart will soften, and his heart will begin to desire to become the man he sees in your eyes…It is NOT easy, and it DOES NOT happen overnight, you have been trained well throughout your life, and the tentacles of feminism run deep…even after things are “better’ you will find undiscovered residue that reappears when you least expect it…but God is faithful to do what He promised!!! (“Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.”) Don’t focus on his mistakes…on where he’s falling short…of what his life in Christ should look like… Keep your eyes fixed on Christ and the beautiful woman he is molding you into…Pray for your husband, pray for your sons, and watch God respond to your faith and trust in Him and Him alone. We are PRAYING for you…PLEASE keep in touch..This is a journey towards joy that we are on together ❤

“Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.”

I am So Excited for the JS Monthly Womens Fellowship!

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I am so excited to host our very first Joyfully Submitted Monthly Fellowship of Women, this Friday evening at my home.  There are several young wives and young single women who will be in attendance.  The one thing we have in common? We have all been negatively impacted by the God and Man hating agenda of the Feminist Movement! These women are clamouring for the freedom that can only be found in submission to Jesus Christ, and it will be my great pleasure to meet with them one night a month to encourage, edify, challenge, and disciple!  Below are a few resources that are particularly near and dear to me.  They have had a great impact on my life, my marriage, my parenting, my development as a Joyfully Submitted woman. These are just some of what we will be looking at over the course of the next year.  I thought they might be a blessing to you as well! 😀 …

How does a wife help her husband be the man Christ wants him to be? How can she inspire him to love her? How can she discover the forgotten joys of being his true helpmeet? Victoria, beloved wife of Geoffrey Botkin and mother of seven, answers those questions and more in this 9-CD audio album from the immensely popular “Evenings with Victoria Botkin” webinar. Listen as Victoria shares biblical wisdom about woman’s great power, sinful tendencies, independence vs. submission, beauty, dress, makeup, respect, rights, hospitality, pitfalls of perfectionism, Hollywood expectations, trials, trust, and cultivating personality. 9-CD album and 200 page companion journal.

“The Christian community is full of dear ladies discouraged because their husbands lack vision to lead the family with gusto. Often wives cry out, “Help, my husband just doesn’t get it,” or, “I want more children, but my husband says ‘no,’” or even, “My husband is nervous about home schooling.”

In some cases, the men are simply overwhelmed with present responsibilities. In other cases, they lack a biblical framework for household leadership. It certainly does not help when men have poor role models in their own lives, which is the case for a growing majority of husbands.

For more than ten years, Doug and Beall Phillips have spoken with hundreds who share these sentiments. But, too often, wives contribute to the problem through a wrong response. The great news is that the Bible anticipates this crisis of leadership in the home and provides crystal clear direction for wives. Wise women will desire to bless their husband’s vision by embracing the specific affirmative and negative biblical commands given to them for this very purpose. Those who do will become a sanctifying influence on their household, grow in spiritual maturity, and become God’s vehicle for their husband’s spiritual revival.

This message is meant to encourage both wives and husbands with the principles and the practicalities for men and women growing in family vision for the Lord.”

Feminine by Design – The Twelve Pillars of Biblical Womanhood, is written for teenage girls, but many adult women could greatly benefit from learning these principlesin order to help them understand biblical femininity. Here, Scott Brown explores some of the major passages of Scripture that explain it. You will find the biblical texts that he used to teach his own daughters as he sought to “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). His intention was to fulfill the appeal of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, “Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. (John 17) 

Scott T. Brown is an elder at Hope Baptist Church in Wake Forest, North Carolina. He is the director of the National Center for Family Integrated Churches. Scott graduated from California State University with a degree in History, and received a M. Div. from Talbot School of Theology. He gives most of his time to pastoral ministry and conferences on biblical church life. He has been married to Deborah for twenty-seven years and they have four children and two grandchildren.

“As a young mother, my home was not . . . running smoothly. If this wonderful book by Kim Brenneman had been available then, I would have snatched it up and slept with it under my pillow. It would have been my manual to keep me moving in the grand adventure of large family logistics.” —From the new foreword by Michelle Duggar (19 Kids and Counting)

Moms have many tasks to tackle and obstacles to overcome: the laundry monster, household clutter and cleaning needs, caring for babies and little ones, menu planning and mealtime routines, town outings, homeschooling, bill paying—and even more!

Like many wives and mothers, author Kim Brenneman didn’t start out with all of the answers. She struggled to figure out: What do I do next? What’s the best way to actually do the many things that need to be done? And how do I get everything accomplished in a 24-hour day and keep my sanity?

In Large Family Logistics, Kim outlines practical solutions she has learned to effectively manage a busy household. This how-to manual is filled with step-by-step procedures, easy-to-understand organizational advice, and a myriad of tips and hints for managing a bustling home with greater efficiency in a way that honors God and builds up family relationships.

Sensible and straightforward, Kim tackles the nitty- gritty, day-to-day challenges moms face and also offers sound counsel on how to plan and accomplish long-term domestic goals. An invaluable home management resource that will equip busy moms to get beyond survival mode and thrive!


“How I would have loved to have had a manual like this when I first started having children! Kim’s eminently practical book offers real solutions to a multitude of the logistical issues of running a household, and these solutions apply whether you have a household of two or twenty!” —Beall Phillips, mother of 8 and author of Verses of Virtue


Problem Solving How-Tos Include:

  • Fit it All in a Day
  • Take Control of Clutter
  • Conquer the Laundry Monster
  • Homeschool a Large Family
  • Manage Your Family’s Expenses
  • Train Older Children to Help Younger Children
  • Achieve Good Physical Health
  • And Much More!


This is going to be a great time of fellowship and we know that God will be glorified! Would you pray for us? Pray for peace to prevail as we deal with difficult topics and decide to put our flesh to death once and for all! 😀 Thanks in advance for your prayers…I’ll let you know how it goes 😀